


Lieutenant Dan Syndrome

by dontcryMasha



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Amputee Dean, Bottom Castiel, Domestic Sam/Ruby, Frustrated Dean, Hospital Sex, Hospitals, M/M, Military Dean, Nurse Castiel, Nurse Gabriel, Nurse Hannah, Original Character(s), Top Dean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-11
Updated: 2015-02-18
Packaged: 2018-03-01 01:37:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 38,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2754770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dontcryMasha/pseuds/dontcryMasha
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After losing both of his legs in Iraq, Staff Sergeant Dean Winchester comes home harboring a plethora of hatred and shame, believing he never should have made it out alive. The only shot he has at changing is if his nurse can prove he’s still useful and needed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The first month had melted into a few days of memories, all of which Dean tried desperately to forget. He was perpetually haunted by the images from Iraq; the IED, his buddies calling out, the smoke and debris, then of course, the searing pain.

On his returning flight, Dean didn’t think much of anything. He was brought immediately into an Army medical center back home and underwent a series of surgeries. The pain killers were given in heavy doses that knocked him out, perpetuating the loss of those memories (that was a good thing). They were speckled with incessant calls from his brother, which Dean disliked not only because he was too out of it to properly speak, but he was embarrassed to have come home in such a state.

Two months of healing in the hospital made him bitter. He was given less and less medication which slowly brought him out of the fog and into the daylight. That was bad. He didn’t like it there. Now he was able to look at what happened and reflect upon it, and with plenty of time to do so. Great.

“Mr. Winchester?”

An advisor he hadn’t met before came into his hospital room. She had a clipboard on his hands.

“ _Sergeant_ Winchester,” Dean grouched.

“Right. Em, well, we’ve just finished clearing you transference.”

“Transference?”

“Yes, to the rehab.”

Dean closed his eyes painfully. Now he sounded like a drug addict.

“Fine,” he said with a stiff grunt.

“I’ll bring your nurse in to get you into a wheelchair.”

“I can get myself into a wheelchair!”

“No, Mi— _Sergeant_ Winchester, we can’t take that sort of risk. You’ve gotta be very careful in your state. You haven’t healed entirely yet.”

“Whatever.”

More staff came in and they hoisted him from the bed and into a wheelchair. He was heavily humiliated. Before he went to Iraq, he was over six feet tall. Now he only had one knee, but with no leg beneath it he might as well have both gone.

Dean was taken about ten miles from the hospital to a rehab center called St Raphael’s Home for Healing. As his handicapped van (“gimp bus” he called it with a loud grunt of disapproval) pulled into the parking lot, he saw an angel statue standing before the building. It had big wings and a caduceus in its hands. Dean sighed. At least the building was nice, just one level and not even all that big. The grounds were well maintained with lots of flowers and nice plants.

“Four weeks here,” Dean’s advisor, who had joined him on his journey, announced as he was being taken out.

“Great.”

“It’ll be good for you.”

“I bet.”

“It’s fortunate that your insurance covers this place.”

“Barely.”

“We’ll go inside and get you acquainted with the help.”

“Fine.”

Dean insisted on wheeling himself, which still made him angry but at least he wasn’t relying on someone else. For the last two months he had been completely incapable of doing anything. He even needed someone to sit him on the toilet (“At least I have my hands still so I can wipe my fucking ass!”).

At the front desk, Dean’s advisor took care of most of the work; he just had to sign off on a few things. She would leave him in the care of his new nurse.

“Hello, Mr. Winchester?”

A man who seemed to be about his age (early thirties) with powder blue scrubs on a smooth, short black hair approached and extended his hand. He had a smooth face with a pretty smile. Dean shook it roughly and corrected, “ _Sergeant_ Winchester.”

Dean’s advisor said her goodbyes but not before nudging the nurse and whispering, “Good luck.” Dean heard it but didn’t even care.

“Alright then, Sergeant Winchester,” his nurse said with a continuous smile, making his heavily hooded eyes crease. “My name is Cas and I’ll be your daytime nurse six days of the week. Let’s find your room.”

“ _Sure_.”

Cas was about to put his hands on Dean’s wheelchair, but Dean yelled and told him not to. “I can wheel myself!” he hollered.

“Well, okay, just follow me I suppose.”

They went down the eastern corridor and stopped at the last door. Cas opened it up and let Dean go in ahead of him.

His advisor was right, he _was_ lucky that his insurance covered Raphael’s. The room looked more like a hotel than a hospital; he had a real bed with real sheets, a small dresser, a table by the bed, two plush chairs with a smaller table between them, his own bathroom (with a walk in tub), a window that looked into the woods behind the facility and a TV.

“Not bad,” Dean remarked, this time with no sarcasm.

“All yours for the next four weeks,” Cas told him, smiling.

Dean wheeled to the side of the bed and tried to pull himself onto it. Cas jumped in front and grabbed him.

“What gives?!” Dean hooted.

“You aren’t supposed to be straining yourself like this, not yet.”

“I can’t get myself onto the bed?”

“Let me help.”

“Oh my God.”

Grudgingly, Dean held Cas’ hands and was pulled onto the bed. His frustration was lifted, however, when he touched the mattress. He hadn’t sat on a real bed in long time, considering the whole (unfinished) deployment to Iraq mostly involved cots.

“Ahhh, this is nice,” Dean cooed, trying to stretch out.

“I’m glad,” said Cas. “We’ve worked hard to make our rooms as comfortable as possible.”

“You done good.”

“Good! Is there anything I can get you? Are you ready for lunch?”

“Nah. What sort of schedule am I working with, anyway?”

“Oh, let me see.”

There was some paperwork in a pocket on the back of Dean’s wheelchair, which Cas retrieved and started going through. He pulled out a sheet and handed it to him.

_Dean Winchester, first week:_

_Breakfast served every day from 8am to 10am, in room or cafeteria._

_Physical therapy, Monday thru Friday from 11am to 1230pm_

_Lunch served every day from 12pm to 2pm, in room or cafeteria._

_Physician check-up Monday and Friday at 4:45pm, in room_

_Dinner served every day from 6pm to 8pm, in room of cafeteria._

_Visiting hours are Wednesday thru Friday from 3pm to 4pm. All visitors must check-in and be pre-approved (discuss with nurse if any discrepancies)._

_Free time may be spent in the lobby, community room or on the grounds. Mr. Winchester is not allowed on the grounds without nurse supervision at this time._

“Oh, like I’m a child or something,” Dean said as he read the last line. “Wow.”

“It’s for your own safety,” Cas tried to reassure him.

“Right.”

“So are you interested in eating soon?”

“I guess.”

Pulling another sheet of paper from the stack, Cas handed it to Dean with a smile.

“This is how it works here,” he explained. “For every meal, you fill out one of these. Now, they change daily so don’t think the menu is the stagnant. Check what you want,” he handed Dean a pen, “And make sure you mark in room or cafeteria.”

“Easy enough. What, no booze?”

“Please,” Cas said, frowning. “I’m not sure what you were expecting.”

Dean narrowed his eyes at the nurse momentarily then went back to ticking boxes. When he was done, he handed it back and turned into the pillows.

“I’m gonna nap. That doesn’t have to be pre-approved or anything, right?”

“No,” said Cas, “You’re allowed to do whatever you’d like in your room on your own free time.”

“Awesome.”

“I think so.”

Cas left him alone for about an hour. In that time, he took a brief nap then sat up as best as he could and watched a little TV. He thought it would be polite to call Sam and check in with him. There was his own phone on the table there so he figured it was worth a shot.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Sammy.”

“Dean!”

Joy filled his brother’s voice.

“Are you at Raphael’s now?”

“Yeah.”

“How is it?”

“Sweet joint,” Dean said, smirking a bit. He looked around the room as he spoke. “My place is pretty nice. But it should be, since meeting the deductible is gonna eat me alive.”

“Isn’t it worth it, though?” Sam asked.

“Yeah, I think.”

“Cool. I’m glad. Good to hear it. When can we come and see you?”

Dean shuddered.

“I d-dunno.”

“Dean, please. We haven’t seen you since you left. That’s a long time. You need to see little Bobby, he can talk some now.”

“I bet,” Dean said quickly.

“Let us know, okay?”

“I will.”

“Do you need anything else?”

“Not now.”

Sam could tell he said the wrong thing.

“Alright, well I’ll let you go. Call whenever you want, and I mean that.”

“Thanks, Sam. See ya.”

Dean hung up loudly and folded his arms. It wasn’t that he hated Sam—no, not at all. He loved Sam, his wife, Ruby, and their two kids, Bobby and John. He just couldn’t bear the thought of them seeing him with no legs. The guilt weighed on Dean heavily. It wasn’t only missing the legs, it was all the implications and memories that the catastrophe included.

He lay back down and closed his eyes. If he listened closely, the voices from the war would return.

“Winchester, we need you down here! Come check this!”

“Alright, alright, I’m comin’.”

“Hey, stand back!”

“Woah! Aye! Get back, all of you!”

“ _Dean!”_

His body froze up. It was like feeling the explosion all over again. He held his breath and tried not to cry.

“Sergeant Winchester?”

He thought it was the memory continuing, but instead it was Cas arriving with his food. He set it down on the table, which had a wing that came out and extended over the bed.

“Here you are.”

“Thanks,” said Dean. “Lousy food. Least I get real plates and silverware. Not bad, huh?”

Cas smiled real cute. He nodded.

“Do you need anything else?” Cas asked.

Dean picked up the burger he ordered and took a big bite. It wasn’t terrible! Not too salty, either.

“Nah,” Dean said with his mouth full. “Just let me eat in peace.”

“Of course.”

Cas nodded and left him alone. The TV was set to the military channel, playing a special on World War II in color.

“Fuckin’ Nazis,” Dean grumped to himself as he kept eating.


	2. Chapter 2

 

After he ate, Dean rested some more. The TV played on as he attempted to find comfort. Sure, the bed was cozy, but his amputated legs ached. That phantom limb syndrome the doctors had talked about in great length was kicking in. Dean wanted to curl his toes. He wanted to stretch out. No matter how much he tried, nothing happened. It sometimes felt like they were tingling, but nothing was there.

Cas returned with an order sheet for dinner, but Dean refused to eat. He said he wasn’t hungry.

“I certainly can’t force you,” said Cas, “But I have to suggest that it’s for your own good.”

“I really don’t wanna.”

“Alright, then. So my shift is ending now and your evening nurse will be here in my place.” Dean turned his head around to look at Cas.

“Who’s my evening nurse?”

“Gabriel.”

“Oh…”

“I’ll return in the morning.”

Cas smiled.

“Okay…”

“Have a good night, Sergeant Winchester.”

“You, too.”

Not long after Cas left the room, Dean’s evening nurse arrived. He was shorter, maybe a couple of years younger and had honey brown hair that flipped a little in the back. His entrance came with a wheeled stand of medical equipment.

“Dean Winchester?”

“ _Sergeant_ Winchester…”

“Right. How about Dean?”

Dean glared at the nurse.

“How ‘bout Sergeant Winchester?” he huffed.

“O-okay then, alright. Sergeant Winchester.”

Gabriel brought the equipment to the bed looking slightly flustered. He smiled anyway.

“Just gotta take your vitals for the evening. Arm?”

Dean grudgingly gave the nurse his arm, which was then wrapped in a blood pressure monitor.

“How’s St. Raphael's working for you so far?” Gabriel asked.

“Eh.”

“Well, someone’s a sour puss. What’s going on, Sarge?”

Dean leered at the nurse, who ripped the monitor off his bicep and then stuck a thermometer in his mouth. He jotted the numbers down on a binder and stuck it back into its rack on the cart.

“It’s bullshit,” Dean said.

“Hey, no need for the language,” Gabriel teased, but Dean wasn’t amused. He kept glaring at him.

“I’ve seen people die, Gabriel. Good people. I’m gonna use whatever language I want.”

“No problem. Now you’re sure you don’t want dinner tonight?”

“Sure.”

“Oooookay then. I’ll just finish up here and leave you alone. But y’know that if you _do_ need anything, you just click that little button on the side of the bed, right?”

“Go figure.”

Gabriel cleared his throat real loud. He was desperately trying to be jovial and failing miserably. Dean kept staring him down. The nurse packed up his medical equipment.

“Just lemme know if you need anything, er, Sergeant Winchester.”

“Right.”

He left and Dean went back to moping under the covers. His legs were itchy. He didn’t have legs. A loud sigh and Dean was falling asleep once more.

* * *

 

It was a stale, dreamless sleep that felt like it only lasted a few seconds. Dean woke up suddenly to the sound of his room’s door opening, then Cas’ voice softly asked, “Sergeant Winchester?”

“Huh…”

“Good morning, I need to take your vitals.”

“Oh…”

Cas came over to the edge of the bed with the same device Gabriel had the evening before. He was wearing lilac scrubs today, which complimented his blue eyes nicely. A smile formed on his lips and he said good morning again.

“Vitals every day,” Dean groaned. “Really?”

“Twice, I’m afraid. Can I have your arm please?”

“Yeah, yeah.”

Dean struggled to sit up and gave his arm to the nurse, who did the same blood pressure then temperature routine as expected. He also administered some of Dean’s pain killers.

“Gabriel told me that you didn’t order dinner last night,” Cas said as he removed the thermometer from Dean’s mouth.

“Nope.”

“Any particular reason?”

“Not hungry.”

“How about today?”

“Maybe a little.”

Cas smiled some more. He handed Dean a breakfast order form and a pencil. “Here you are,” he said.

“Yeah, okay.”

Dean found himself chuckling a bit as he ticked a few boxes then gave it back to Cas.

“You’ll feel better once you eat. Also you start physical therapy today, and I think that will help your mood.”

“ _My mood_ ,” Dean repeated softly.

“Yes,” said Cas. “Now, I’ll be going but will return once your order is ready.”

“Okay.”

Dean watched the nurse leave. He noticed how his butt was round and filled the back of his scrubs well, despite being clearly firm and toned. For a brief moment, he entertained the idea of getting frisky with him, but it was quickly shot down when he realized he wasn’t going to be getting laid any time soon. Not with _stumps_ for legs and prick that wouldn’t keep up for more than a few seconds at a time.

Feeling worse than before, Dean shifted out of the covers and climbed to where the wheelchair was up against the bed. Even though Cas told him not to move on his own too much, he pulled himself into the chair, then once securely sitting, wheeled into the bathroom.

“My very own gimp toilet,” he said to himself as he then maneuvered onto the toilet. At least he could handle that on his own.

Once he was done, he got back into the chair and wheeled to bed again. The whole ordeal took close to twenty minutes and when he returned to the bed, it was a welcome sight. With a smug glow, he turned the TV on and began flipping through channels.

“Here we are.”

Cas returned some time later with a tray of food. He put it onto Dean’s small table and sat at the foot of the bed.

“Smells good, actually,” said Dean. He pulled the lid off of his eggs and took a whiff. Again, the quality of St. Raphael’s kitchen impressed him.

“I’m glad to hear that,” Cas remarked, then turned his attention to the TV and asked what was on.

“Some old sitcom,” Dean told him. Cas laughed lightly.

“You watch the same shows that my grandfather did.”

“I’m not _watching_ this, it’s just _on_.”

“Hmm. Alright, then.”

Dean took a careful sip of the coffee he ordered and looked at the back of Cas’ head. He had a lush mop of dark hair that sparkled in the lamplight. Every inch of him was spotless and radiant.

“Pretty…”

“What?”

Cas looked back at Dean quickly.

“Dean? What’s pretty?”

Embarrassed that he had spoken aloud, Dean flushed red and shoveled food into his mouth.

“Burrkk-fussst,” he mumbled.

“Oh. I guess.”

“Huhhh…”

“Well then,” Cas said, changing subjects quickly. He got up and checked Dean’s schedule. “Physical therapy starts at eleven. Would you like to get out of your room before then?”

Dean shook his head.

“Why?”

“I think you’ll feel better if you leave this room.”

“I don’t really wanna.”

“Alright, that’s fine, too. I’ll come back and take you to your appointment.”

“Can’t I get myself there?”

“I’ll help you the first time and see if you need assistance tomorrow.”

Dean made a sound of disapproval.

“These are rules, Sergeant Winchester.”

“Right, right. Rules. I get it. Hey, I’m done here so you can clean it up.”

“Thank you.”

Cas cleared up the dishes and took the tray out while Dean settled into the bed more and kept watching TV. A show from the 80s was next. It was about a handsome man who worked as a detective. He had a sidekick with tall hair who said a lot of ridiculous one-liners. It made Dean laugh, even if it just at how dated the show was. Then at ten of, Cas came back.

“Alright, Sergeant. Let’s go to your appointment.”

“Ugggh.”

“I know, you must be dreading this. But I promise you will feel better after this.”

“Fine, fine, fine.”

“Here.”

Cas brought the wheelchair around and, despite Dean’s best attempt and doing it for himself, helped him get in.

“But I’m wheeling myself.”

“Of course.”

They went into the hallway and took it down a direction Dean hadn’t been yet. It turned out that the building was a P shape; all the rooms were down the bottom wing and the courtyard lay in the middle. His physical therapy was at the top of the P.

“Here we are,” Cas announced.

It was a large, windowless room that had various exercise equipment in it, also a few chairs and plastic tables.

“Great,” Dean said lazily. “Okay. I got this.”

The nurse smiled. “I’ll be back at 12:30 to get you.”

Dean just rolled his eyes.

Then he rolled his chair further into the room and was immediately flagged down by a thin young woman with red hair. He startled when he saw her.

“Mr. Winchester?” she asked in a sweet voice.

“Uh…yeah…”

“My name is Anna, and I’ll be your physical therapist while you’re here.”

“Okay…”

The general shape and color of his physical therapist made him shiver. She reminded him of a colleague in the army.

“How are you feeling?” Anna asked sweetly.

“Uh. Fine, I guess.”

“Any complaints? Pains?”

“Everything hurts,” Dean moaned.

“I’m sure not everything,” said Anna. “Would you like me to speak to your doctor about upping your pain killers?”

Dean flashed a grin.

“That’d be awesome,” he said.

“Alright, I’ll see what I can. Anyway, Mr. Winchester, we’re going to start very slow. Remember that at any time you can stop and take a break. There’s no pressure to perform well.”

The exercises that followed made Dean feel even worse about himself. It wasn’t Anna’s fault, but the way she dealt with him was similar to teaching a child how to walk. He was humiliated. Anna could tell and she tried to be nice about it.

When therapy was coming to an end, Dean noticed two people at a table on the other side of the room. They were both women with long, dark hair, but one was a nurse and had a thin face, while the patient seemed shorter and with a round face. She was slowly putting different shaped blocks into holes on a board. Dean felt a small boost of self-esteem when he saw her, realizing that he wasn’t _that_ bad off.

“What’s her story?” Dean asked Anna.

“Oh,” his therapist said, looking in the direction of the people, “Ms. Masters and her nurse, Hannah. She’s been here for six months now.”

“ _Man_ ,” said Dean. He had to shake his head. “What the heck happened to her? Brain fried or something?”

“Not entirely,” Anna went on to explain. “Head trauma from a car accident. She was comatose for three weeks. If you speak to her, you’ll see that she’s perfectly coherent.”

“That sucks. Any hope?”

“Likely, but we aren’t sure to what degree.”

Dean glanced down at his lap. He certainly wouldn’t trade places with her, even if it make having legs again.

“Oh. Mr. Winchester?”

“Huh?”

“Your nurse is here to bring you to your room. It was a good session. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Okay…”

Cas came into the room with a smile on his face. They said nothing as Dean wheeled himself out, looking over his shoulder at the patient as he left.

“Is something the matter?” Cas asked once they were in the hallway.

“Just that chick,” said Dean.

“Anna?”

“No, the patient in there. Chick who had the coma.”

“Ah, Meg.”

Cas nodded while they headed back to Dean’s room. They passed the courtyard and the wheelchair bound man stopped momentarily, gazing out at the people walking around. A big cherry tree full of pretty pink blossoms stood in the middle, surrounded by a circular walkway of stone. Bushes and flowers filled the space between path and building. Cas had fallen silent.

“I guess you see a lot of shit here,” said Dean.

“That’s one word for it.”

“Sucks.”

“I chose my job knowing what was involved. I had no regrets.”

Dean hummed a little then kept wheeling on.

“Would you like to have lunch in the cafeteria?” Cas suggested.

“No, I don’t wanna eat.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m sure. Can I have downtime by myself?”

“Certainly. I’ll get you back to your room and then I’ll leave you alone.”

“Thanks.”

Dean went right back to bed and laid there with the TV on, even though his eyes stared out of the window. He had a lot to think about. Was he lucky to have gotten out with only his legs missing?

“Lucky, right,” Dean muttered to himself. He closed his eyes and began dozing.

In his mind, he saw the long dirt road that the convoy was traveling on. The truck in front of his stopped. A woman in full Army gear got out. She went to the front, inspected the ground then yelled up to Dean, “Winchester, we need you down here! Come check this!”

Dean got out of his truck as quickly as possible.

“Alright, alright, I’m comin’.”

He came to where the woman was standing, pointing to a disturbance in the hot dirt.

“Is it?” she asked quickly.

“Dunno,” said Dean. “We can test. Be careful.”

The woman shook her head.

“I can dismantle them, no problem!” she said, beaming with confidence.

“Hold on a second,” Dean interjected.

A couple more people from the convoy were starting to gather. One of them asked Dean what was going on.

“Possible IED,” he answered in a fast mumble.

“Possible?!” the man replied. He looked to the woman. “You aren’t just gonna let her go in and touch it, are you?”

“No, no, we’re gonna test.”

But the woman had gone ahead anyway. Her pale face had a curious smile as she knelt to the pile of dirt and began digging.

“Test my ass!” the fellow soldier Dean was talking to said. He pointed at the woman.

“Hey, stand back!” Dean shouted at her.

“Woah!” The other man yelled. He began walking backwards and pushing the soldiers who were approaching. “Aye! Get back, all of you!”

Dean ran to the woman with his eyes wide open. She parted the dirt. Dean saw what was hidden beneath it.

_“Charlie!”_


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's more like a Misha/Dean AU. Oh, well.

Dean’s nap was interrupted by a phone call. It was noise he hadn’t heard before, and the fact that it wasn’t a normal ringer really startled him.

_Boooooo-boop_

_Boooooo-boop_

“Whaa…”

_Boooooo-boop_

Dean gasped and grunted, then cleared his throat and went for the receiver.

“’Lo?”

“Hey Dean, it’s me.”

“Yo Sammy.”

“Did I wake up?”

“Sorta.”

“Sorry. I just thought I’d tell you that we’re flying in tonight.”

Dean paused.

“What?”

“We’re flying in tonight. We’ve booked the flight and a hotel, so we can visit tomorrow.”

“No, no!” Dean groaned. “I don’t want you to come!”

Sam sounded frustrated and maybe a spot angry on the other end.

“Dean, we haven’t seen you in a long time. Bobby misses you. He says you’re a hero.”

“I’m not,” Dean protested strongly. “I don’t want you all to see me like this.”

“We’re going to eventually anyway. C’mon. You’re there are all alone, I’m sure you’d like the company anyway.”

“I don’t.”

“We bought tickets already so you can’t change my mind.”

“Ugghh…”

“It’s not that bad!” Sam griped. “You’ll feel differently once we come. Promise.”

“Right…”

“See you tomorrow. Bye.”

“Bye…”

Dean hung up the phone and slumped back into the bed. Now he had a headache. What a disaster. The only option was to sleep more.

After another evening of refusing food and giving Gabriel a hard time, Dean found himself staying in bed until morning. Gabriel had offered that he take a shower, but when that involved “assistance”, Dean angrily said no.

“I can shower myself when I feel like it!” he roared.

“We can’t leave you alone in the tub yet,” Gabriel tried to explain. “I’m _sure_ you’ll be happier once you’re clean.”

“But I don’t _want_ help getting washed!”

“Fine, fine.”

The nurse had to give in. He mentioned that the hair stylist would come tomorrow and give him a shave and a trim anyway, also shampoo without washing the rest of him and that sounded pretty alright to Dean.

The morning wakeup call from Cas was a welcome change from the nightshift nurse. With his medical equipment wheeling behind for taking Dean’s vitals, Cas flashed a sweet smile and said, “Good morning Sergeant Winchester. How are you feeling?”

“Eh.”

“I saw you haven’t eaten anything since breakfast. I hope you’re hungry.”

Dean sucked his teeth. “Yeah,” he agreed. His stomach was hurting, in fact.

“Let me take your vitals and we can order something. Or would you like to have breakfast in the cafeteria? It would be a nice change of pace.”

Dean put his arm out for blood pressure and made a sour face at his nurse. “Don’t think so,” he said quickly.

“Are you sure? You ought to socialize a little bit.”

“Bad enough my idiot brother is coming today.”

Cas’ face lightened up.

“Is that so?” he asked with delightful surprise, even though Dean was just as gloomy.

“Yeaaah.”

“That’s lovely! Tongue, please.”

He took Dean’s temperature with a pretty smile. Dean didn’t agree with his joy, but the way Cas looked made the smile contagious.

“Well, maybe we can do breakfast in the cafeteria,” Dean said.

“Oh? I think that’s a wonderful idea.”

Dean insisted on using the toilet on his own, but while he was in there, Cas suggested getting washed just as Gabriel had.

“Why can’t I do it by myself?” Dean asked. He flushed the toilet and got back onto the wheelchair. Cas was waiting politely in his room. They left together and went around to the cafeteria.

“It’s a precautionary thing, you have to understand.”

“I don’t want you guys to see my dangle.”

Cas laughed.

“Oh, I’ve seen so many of them, it doesn’t matter. I know you feel self-conscious but really, I’m a nurse. There’s no reason to be that shy.”

“Ehh…”

They went into the cafeteria and Cas submitted Dean’s order. Dean went to the back and wheeled up to a table. Cas joined him a few minutes later with a tray full of food. There was a paper cup with something hot and a muffin, too, which Cas must have gotten for himself.

“Do you mind if I eat with you?” Cas asked.

“No, not at all.”

The words spilled out of Dean with surprising ease. He cleared his throat loudly and took a sip of coffee to try and distract himself from what signals he may have been sending out. Cas unwrapped his muffin and broke off a little bit.

“So uh,” Dean began, “You like your job?”

“I do.”

“How many patients do you see?”

“Five, currently, including you.”

“Cool.”

Cas drank from his cup gently (Dean saw a teabag hanging from the side) and wet his lips. He hummed a little then said, “I know that you aren’t married, but do you have anyone in your life?”

“No.”

“I assumed so, since you hadn’t mentioned anyone and your brother is your first visitor.”

“Yeah.”

Dean felt hot in the face.

“Do you have plans to start a family?” asked Cas.

“I did,” Dean answered with a loud grunt, “But then all _this_ shit happened to me and it looks like that’s off the table.”

“Why would you say that? You can still reproduce.”

“It’s not that, it’s…”

“I am certified to assist you with any medical concerns, you know. Is something wrong?”

Dean’s nose wrinkled up and he leaned across the table as best as he could to get closer to Cas.

“ _I can’t get my dick up_ ,” he said real fast.

“I’m sure that’s only temporary from the stress,” Cas reassured him, but he was blushing very hard and clearly trying to hide it. “Perhaps the medication your on is to blame as well.”

“Maybe.”

As Dean finished his breakfast, he noticed Meg Masters and her nurse come into the cafeteria. It was unclear to Dean if Meg had trouble walking or if she was holding Hannah’s arm just for comfort. Hannah was speaking to her continuously but so soft that Dean could only hear her when they passed by.

“…every morning to have breakfast. Yesterday you had scrambled eggs with toast and a glass of orange juice. Do you know what you would like to have today?”

“Yesterday’s sounds fine to me,” Meg answered. It was true that she spoke with perfect clarify. You wouldn’t think anything had happened to her based on her voice.

“ _50 First Dates_ or something?” Dean asked Cas.

“I bet your pardon?”

“Meg.”

“What about her?”

“Does she forget the day before her or something like that?”

“Her memory is spotty, yes. It’s a shame.”

“Damn.”

He watched as Hannah ordered food and they found a table together. Meg carefully tried to grab a fork and feed herself, but it didn’t work out as well as she would have liked. Food kept falling back onto the plate and she was getting upset.

“Just…aah!...damn it!”

She cursed as breakfast went on pathetically. It was hard for Dean to watch. He wondered what sort of family she had, who was looking forward to seeing her and who would bring her home one day?

“Are you finished?” Cas asked.

“Oh. Right. Yeah.”

Cas cleared up their things and directed him into the hallway once more. He suggested they make an appointment with the hair dresser, who was arriving around then.

“Sounds like a good idea, the more I think about,” Dean told him.

The service was done in his room, using a shaped tub to put in the sink and wash his hair. The lady gave him the usual fade that he preferred then shaved his face clean. When she was done, Dean kept running his fingers over his cheeks. Feeling clean did wonders to his mood. He thought it would be smart to take a proper shower.

After physical therapy, which was just as humiliating and annoying as the day before, Dean had to prepare himself for Sam’s visit. He buzzed for Cas to come.

“What can I do for you?” he asked.

“Help me shower.”

“Oh. Of course.”

Trying to suppress his conflicted feelings of shame and excitement, he went to the bathroom and inspected the tub. It was a large, walk-in model with a handheld showerhead that was mounted low on the wall. Cas went ahead of him and turned it on.

“Do you need help undressing?” he asked. Dean blushed.

“No, I can that alright.”

He pulled out of his shirt then wiggled his way free from the shorts he had been given. It was tricky to get out of his underwear, but once he did, he tried to cover up with his hands.

“I’m going to see anyway,” said Cas. “There’s no use in hiding.”

“It feels weird.”

“Haven’t you been bathed at the hospital?”

“Yeah, but I was so doped up…it seemed different…more medical. This is just _me_ trying to get clean.”

“It’s always _you_ trying to get clean. Relax, Sergeant. There’s nothing to feel strange about. Now come here, let me help you in.”

Dean let Cas help him out of the wheelchair and into the tub. There was a nice amount of metal support handles for him, so once he was sitting, he could hold onto them and relax somewhat. He tried to ignore the fact that Cas was there and seeing everything. But it was hard to do so when Cas began soaping him up.

“H-hey,” Dean protested weakly.

“Is something the matter?”

“I can wash myself.”

“Are you sure about that?”

“Yeah, watch.”

Dean snatched the washcloth from Cas and began soaping himself up. He tried to wash his lower back but lost balance when he lifted a thigh.

“Oop,” Cas said, grabbing him. “Be careful. I told you.”

Dean let out a long, annoyed sigh.

“I can’t wash my ass!”

“It’s understandable. There’s no reason to be upset.”

Cas took the cloth back and kept cleaning him. Dean had to accept his fate and deal with it, so instead he tried to relax and enjoy Cas washing him. That was fine until Cas came around to his crotch and washed his cock.

“H-hey!” Dean chirped.

“You want this clean, don’t you?” Cas asked.

“Well, uh, yeah, but…”

“I’ll be done right away.”

The washcloth scrubbed around his now-unkempt pubic hair and delicately cleansed his balls. Dean bit his lower lip and blushed furiously as he began to grow hard.

“Sh-shit.”

“Not to worry,” Cas said quickly, also blushing. He moved onto Dean’s thighs and washed the healing closures with great care. He stole a few glances back at Dean’s semi. It was obvious by his expression that the swelling dimensions of Dean’s dick were surprising to him.

“And done.”

“Great.”

“I’ll rinse you off now and we can go on with our lives.”

“Okay.”

Cas took the showerhead and ran water all over Dean, then toweled him off and helped him out. He put on clean clothes and was back in his wheelchair.

“How are you feeling?”

“Pretty good, actually,” Dean said with a grin.

“Now, Sergeant Winchester, I’m sure you’d prefer to forget about this, but I’m curious—from a medical position of course—I thought you were unable to get hard?”

Dean turned crimson.

“Yeah, well, uh, I thought…well…I can’t _keep_ it.”

“I understand.”

Dean wanted lunch in his room again, which Cas ordered and brought right away. He then got the memo that Sam and his family would be arriving at 3, so once lunch was done, Dean spent some time psyching himself up then followed Cas to the community room, where visiting hours were held.

Right on time, Sam showed up. He was with his wife, Ruby, and their two boys. The oldest of them was about 3 and he went running to Dean right away.

“Uncle Dean!” he hollered.

The second child was still a baby and in a stroller that Sam was pushing. Ruby had something bulky in her arms. They all followed the oldest boy and Sam gave Dean a hug.

“It’s good to see you,” he said.

“Eh…”

“What’s this chair?” the little boy asked.

“My wheelchair,” Dean explained to him. He looked at Sam and asked, “You haven’t told Bobby about my wheelchair?”

“How can I explain it?”

“I dunno, find a picture of one?”

“It’s more complicated than you realize, Dean.”

“Eh. Fine.”

Bobby was fascinated by it. He kept walking in circles and looking it over.

“It’s sort of like a car,” he said.

Ruby and Sam sat down on a sofa nearest to Dean, where Cas also was. They shared introductions.

“We brought this for you, Dean,” Ruby said. She showed him the object in her arms, which was a fancy wrapped gift basket.

“Why?” Dean asked, taking it and looking it over. There was a bottle of wine, a couple boxes of cookies, some packaged cured meats and cheeses plus a box of liquor-filled chocolates. Dean couldn’t object to anything inside, but the reasoning baffled him.

“To cheer you up,” Sam explained.

“That’s very nice,” Cas added, smiling at Dean, who was looking at it grimly.

“Don’t make me a martyr,” he said under his breath.

“We aren’t!” Ruby protested. “We just want you to be happy!”

“Look, Dean,” Sam went on to explain in his usual _not trying to be condescending but sounding that way regardless_ manner, “We flew all the way out here just to give you some company and show you that we care. You can _try_ to be happy to see us.”

“I am,” Dean said rather blankly. He forced a smile and put the gift basket down. “Thanks.”

They chattered for a bit, all of which seemed painful to Dean, and then 4 o’clock came so they had to leave. There were many hugs and “you’ll be fine”, but they were gone not soon enough. Dean looked to Cas and sighed in relief.

“Finally,” he said.

“They seem like nice people,” said Cas. They began to head to his room.

“They are, I just can’t deal with them right now. They want me to be some big hero or some shit.”

“In their eyes, you are.”

Dean wheeled to keep up with Cas as they went through the hallway. Late afternoon sunlight was filling the courtyard and casting shadows across the linoleum floor of the rehab center. Dean saw Meg and Hannah out there, squatting beneath the cherry tree.

“Oh, Sergeant Winchester?” Cas asked, looking into the courtyard as well.

“Yeah?”

“Will you be alright getting to your room alone? I would like to see Hannah and Meg.”

“Yeah, sure. That’s fine.”

“Thank you.”

Cas went through the sliding doors and walked up to the women. Dean decided he would stick around and watch from the windows. Of course he couldn’t hear them, but just observing was interesting enough.

Meg showed a handful of blossoms to Cas, who instantly burst into sweet, blissful laughter. Meg began sticking the flowers into Cas’ hair. Hannah watched with a sweet smile. Dean smiled, too. Cas looked so innocent, like an angel. He put flowers into Meg’s hair, and Meg put some more into Hannah’s. The three of them looked like young girls having a playdate or something, Dean thought. He watched a little longer, then decided to take his gift basket back to his room.


	4. Chapter 4

“Oooo, got something from a lucky lady?”

Gabriel was all smiles when he came in to take Dean’s vitals for the evening, but Dean was less than pleased (as expected).

“No,” he answered plainly, shoving his arm in the nurse’s general direction, “Just my idiot brother.”

“Idiot, huh?”

“Yeah sorta.”

“So then you had a visitor.”

“A couple. Him, his wife and their kids.”

Gabriel smiled as he took Dean’s pressure. “That’s cool,” he said. “Did they turn your nasty little frown upside down?”

“What does it look like?” Dean asked, giving Gabriel the most unamused face he could possibly muster. The nurse cleared his throat loudly.

“Uh. Open.”

He took Dean’s temperature then went on his way.

“I’m doing dinner on my own today,” Dean had announced.

When he felt confident, he wheeled himself out of his room and down to the cafeteria. It looked like most of the patients were eating there, so once he got his order it nearly required effort to find a table. He spotted Meg and Hannah with an empty seat and decided to fill it in (or at least move it out of the way and wheel up).

“Hey,” he said to them.

“Oh, hello,” Hannah said, her sharp yet kind eyes staring right at Dean. “Winchester, am I right?”

“Yeah, that’s me. You’re Nurse Hannah.”

“Correct.”

“And you, you’re Meg Masters.”

Meg, who was attempting to drink a glass of juice through a straw, smirked Dean and said, “That’s what they tell me.”

“Yeah,” Dean agreed as he began to tuck into his meal. “So how are you two doing?”

“I’m well, thank you,” said Hannah.

“I’ve had better days,” Meg said, “At least, that’s what they tell me.”

She laughed and Dean chuckled out of politeness. Meg kept her eyes fixed on him.

“Where’s flower boy?” she asked.

“Who?”

“Flower boy.”

“Nurse Cas,” Hannah interrupted.

“Oh. He went home for the night. His shift is over.”

“That’s too bad,” Meg said with a frown.

“What, you like him or something?”

Dean mildly regretted the question once it had been asked. In an instant, he recalled the three of them playing with blossoms in the courtyard, but suddenly that cute scene turned into a flirtation that had the potential to piss Dean off.

“We’re best of friends,” Meg said. She smiled proudly. “At least, that’s what they tell me.”

Here, Hannah leaned over the table and quietly told Dean that, “The only thing Ms. Masters has consistently remembered is that Cas likes flowers.”

Dean blinked.

“You mean, _he_ wanted the blossoms in his hair?”

Hannah nodded and smiled. She looked at Meg and nodded a few more times.

“He’s sensitive,” she said. “He likes quiet things and appreciates the subtly of nature. Meg picked up on that and for some reason, her memory retains it.”

“Damn.”

“You know,” Hannah continued, “He hasn’t stopped talking about you since your arrival.”

Dean suddenly flushed bright red.

“What now?” he asked quickly, trying to remain cool.

“Cas is an exceptional nurse,” said Hannah.

“Uhh. H-how so?”

“Do you know his other patients?”

“No,” Dean admitted with a firm shake of his head.

“They’re all here for hospice care.”

“ _Oh_ ,” Dean said. He could feel the redness in his face burning away and instead cold, pale sorrow washed over him.

“Most of the nurses here shy away from the terminal patients. We prefer ones like Ms. Masters here, who will eventually heal and have a good life again. But Cas…ah…Cas _volunteered_ for the hospice patients. He had you assigned to him because the rest of us were filled.”

“I didn’t know that,” said Dean. “That must suck.”

“He’s happy to do it, but I think working with you has been extremely rewarding.”

“Well…maybe…I dunno.”

“Hannah?” Meg interrupted before Dean could think of a better answer.

“Yes?”

“I’m done with this food. My head hurts. Can we go to bed now?”

“If that’s what you would like. I’ll see you around, Mr. Winchester.”

“Okay.”

They both got up and Meg waved weakly to Dean, leaving him alone with his dinner. He had no idea about Cas’ other patients. That must have been devastating for him, even if he took them on willingly. Every day, he came to work knowing that the same faces would greet him until they died. How many patients had he known? Dean couldn’t finish his dinner.

* * *

To Dean’s great disappointment, the following day Cas had off. A different nurse, who Dean liked even less so than Gabriel, took care of him instead. He also had a checkup with a physician in the afternoon.

“Hello, Mr. Winchester.”

He was a shortish man with a well groomed beard and a British accent. This made Dean quite upset, since he didn’t like it when any of his help wasn’t American.

“ _Sergeant_ Winchester,” Dean corrected with a loud grunt of annoyance.

“Right. Well, then, I’m Dr. Crowley and I will be charting your progress during your stay. Let’s see how we’re doing…”

After a brief examination, particularly of Dean’s healing leg incisions, Dr. Crowley filled out a chart then sat on the bed.

“Talk to me, Sergeant,” he said, folding his arms. “How is your mood?”

“Fine I guess.”

“Are you sure about that? Be honest with me.”

Dean leered at him.

“Fine.”

“I beg to differ,” said the doctor, “Since the nurses have marked you down as ‘irritable,’ ‘temperamental’ and ‘sad.’”

“ _Sad?_ ” Dean hollered. “Are you _kidding?_ ”

“Tut tut,” Crowley said with a smile. “Never known them to exaggerate before. You’ve been missing meals, too. Do you feel low? Depressed?”

Dean didn’t answer.

“It’s quite common,” the doctor went on to explain. “There’s no shame in it. You’ve been through not only a drastic physical change but also a warzone. I’m sure you have known many lads who come back unharmed but messed up in the head.”

“Yeah…”

“How about this,” said Crowley, “I’ll recommend you to a therapist here. Would you talk to them?”

“I _guess_.”

“We’re concerned about you, Sergeant. Don’t look at this as a punishment.”

“Yeaaah…”

“I’ll talk to your nurses about it.”

“Okay…”

“By Monday we’ll figure something out.”

“Fine…”

Dr. Crowley said his goodbyes and moved on, leaving Dean with a sour feeling in his mouth. He tried everything he could to block out the memories, but with each denial, they came back harder.

He recalled the first week of Iraq. It was hot, of course, with dry sand that could and would get into every space imaginable. Dean’s unit had finally settled in and were beginning to know each other better.

Charlie Bradbury had been quiet. She was a thin redhead with a warm smile and confidence beaming in her eyes. She focused on training with a certain diligence that Dean didn’t normally see.

One evening while Dean was pumping iron alone in their base’s gym, Charlie approached him and asked to speak.

“Sure. Everything okay?” Dean asked.

“Yes,” Charlie nodded. “I just, well, I wanted to talk to you. Personally.”

“Alright.”

He set down the dumbbell he had been using and put his elbows on his knees. Charlie stood there looking sheepish.

“I heard some things,” she said.

“Like what?”

“Um, things I can’t exactly repeat.”

Dean wet his lips.

“What now?” he asked.

“I just wanted to say that we have something big in common,” Charlie blurted out quickly. Her cheeks turned red.

“What?” Dean asked.

“Um. Lifestyle things.”

Dean cleared his throat. Charlie seemed even more embarrassed and flustered now.

“Um!! Only if it’s true! I mean, assuming it’s true!!” she gasped.

“Yeah,” Dean told her stiffly, “It’s true. I know what you mean.”

She was undoubtedly referencing a rumor that Dean was gay, and once he confirmed it she sighed in relief.

“Okay, good,” she said. “So that’s that. Me, too.”

“Awesome,” Dean said and shot her a grin. “Maybe you and I outta hang out more?”

Here, Dean stopped the memory. He put his hands over his face and cried. Seeing Charlie’s face in his head was so painful. Remembering her awkward smile hurt him deeply. He cried loudly. Dinner seemed like a bad idea. Instead, he opened up the gift basket from Sam and ate one box of cookies. They were good. _Really_ good. But even the sweetest cookie couldn’t take the sadness away.

* * *

Cas was back in the morning and that was something to look forward to. Dean was moody from the doctor’s visit and now he was sad. At least a warm smile from the cutest nurse would cheer him up.

“Good morning, Sergeant Winchester,” Cas said.

His voice was missing its usual cheer. Instead, it retracted to a low, monotonous drone.

“Hey. Have a nice day off?”

“Oh, I could catch up on sleep but other than that I’d prefer to be working.”

“Really?”

Cas took his arm for blood pressure. His eyes seemed almost grey.

“You okay?” Dean asked.

“Yes. Thank you.”

“Sure.”

Dean wanted breakfast in his room. After it arrived, Cas left without saying much of anything. Dean didn’t like that. He tried to figure out what could be wrong. Maybe one of his terminal patients was getting worse, that could make anyone upset. Perhaps he just wasn’t feeling well. It was possible, and most likely, that Cas had _some_ sort of love life—maybe that wasn’t working out?

After breakfast, Dean decided he would spend some time wandering St. Raphael’s. It was Saturday, so he had no physical therapy. He thought maybe Meg would be around and he could try cheering her up.

The facility was oddly quiet. He wondered if weekends were always like that. The hallways were empty. A bit of sound came near the end where the common room was, so Dean thought he’d see what that was all about.

As he passed the courtyard, he saw just one person standing there. He slowed down and realized it was Cas. He was at the base of the cherry tree, staring up at the blossoms without moving. Dean went through the sliding doors and rolled up behind him.

“Hey,” he said. Cas didn’t move. “You okay?”

“Yes.”

“You seem sad.”

The nurse turned around and looked at Dean with tears in his eyes.

“Cas? What’s wrong?”

Cas wiped his eyes. “It’s stupid,” he said.

“What is?”

Dean hadn’t heard compassion in his own voice for a while. It was an old rival who used to poke his head out during casual sex and embarrass Dean.

“Today,” Cas began with a loud sniff, “Is my birthday.”

“Really?” Dean said, eyes widening. “Happy birthday…”

“Thank you.”

Cas cracked a small smile.

“Why are you sad if it’s your birthday?”

With a stiff sigh, Cas squat down beside Dean and pressed his cheek against the wheelchair’s armrest. His eyes were still fairly red and full of tears that wouldn’t fall.

“It’s like this every year,” Cas said. “Not one present, phone call or card. I haven’t even had a cake in nearly eight years.”

“What?! No presents? No cake?! What’s up with that? What are your friends doing?”

Cas’ lower lip trembled.

“I don’t have friends,” he said.

“What about the other nurses?”

“I don’t want to bother them with such things.”

“Aw, Cas, c’mon. I’m sure if you told them they’d be happy to throw you a party or something.”

But Cas shook his head.

“I’m here for work, not throwing parties.”

Dean thought for a second. He stared into the tear filled eyes and felt himself wanting to cry.

“Okay,” he said. “I need you to help me in my room. For work.”

“What’s wrong?”

“I just need help reaching something.”

“Of course.”

Cas tried to clear himself of tears and followed Dean back to his room. As he wheeled in front, Dean had a thin smirk on his face.

“What do you need?”

“Here.”

Dean went to his dresser and pulled an unopened box of cookies from the gift basket, also the bottle of wine. He shoved them into Cas’ arms.

“O-oh!” Cas gasped, starring with wide eyes.

“There. It’s sort of like cake. You can go home tonight and have a good party by yourself.”

Cas closed his eyes.

“Are you sure?” he asked softly.

“Yeah, I’m sure.”

“Ohh…”

The nurse bent down and gave Dean a hug. It was such a good hug. Dean put his arms around Cas’ waist and felt the firm muscles beneath his scrubs. He didn’t want to let go.

“You’re a wonderful person,” Cas sighed.

“No I’m not.”

“Yes, you are. You are. You’ve given so much already and now you give the only thing you have.”

“I…guess…”

Cas moved back a bit so he could look Dean in the eyes. He was smiling but some sadness remained. They said nothing for a few moments. Dean had his hands on Cas’ waist, but then he brought one up to the nurse’s face and pulled him down to touch their lips together. It was a sudden impulse that might bring strong consequences, but Cas melted right into the kiss immediately and Dean wasn’t so worried.

They kissed with passion. Cas let out a few moans. As the kiss ended, they kept smacking their lips together and whining quietly. Then Cas, eyes heavy with all sorts of feelings, blinked hard and whispered, “Oh, Sergeant Winchester.”

“ _Dean_ ,” the man corrected. “Just call me Dean.”


	5. Chapter 5

“Oh…Dean…”

Cas stared back at Dean with an odd twinkling in his eyes. He stood up straight and held onto his presents tenderly. His knees bent together towards a growing bump in the crotch of his scrubs.

“I’m sorry,” he said.

“It’s okay,” Dean told him. “I guess I’ve sorta been having these feelings for you…”

“I didn’t realize you were gay,” said Cas.

“Didn’t know you were, either.”

“Ohh…”

With increased embarrassment, Cas looked away from Dean, still trying to hide his semi. Dean kept his distance.

“I guess it’s pretty…er…not okay to be fooling around with a patient.”

Cas nodded. “It isn’t,” he agreed, “But in three weeks you won’t be my patient anymore.”

“Yeah, that’s true.”

Dean couldn’t tell if Cas was happy about that or not and unfortunately he couldn’t ask, since the phone in his room interrupted them.

“Damn. Let me get this.”

Grunting to himself, Dean wheeled to the phone and picked it up.

“Hello?”

“Hey Dean, it’s me.”

“What’s up, Sammy?”

“How are you doing?”

“Okay I guess…”

“Listen, I’ve been doing some research into a residency for you once you’re done over there.”

“Oh.”

“Is that a problem? I thought it would be helpful since—“

“I can’t do it myself?” Dean huffed. “I can find myself a place to live! God!”

“Dean, relax,” Sam tried to coax. “You have enough on your plate already, let us handle this. We found a real nice place close to where we live.”

Dean made another sound of frustration.

“What if I don’t _want_ to live out that way?”

“We thought you might say that,” said Sam, “So we also checked around where you are now. There’s great housing for disable vets in the area. It’s all handicap friendly, so—“

“It’s an assisted living?!”

“No! Not like that! Listen, listen; the families live there, too. It’s a cluster of condos and houses for military families, so there’s also—“

“ _Normal_ people?”

“Dean! Stop being such a jerk!”

“Stop trying to make me a martyr!”

“I’m not! I’m trying to help!”

“Well stop being so damned helpful! I’ll find a place to live!”

“Okay, fine! I just want…God…I just want to help.”

“I don’t need help! I can figure shit out for myself! Now good _bye_ , Sam!”

Dean hung the phone up angrily and put his head in his hands. His face was hot. He just wanted to be treated like a regular person again without everyone kissing his ass because he was different.

“….Dean?”

Cas was still standing there. He put a tender hand onto Dean’s shoulder and rubbed him gently.

“These changes are hard on everyone, including yourself,” he said.

“I guess so.”

“Your brother is worried about you. He isn’t trying to make a big deal out of your injuries. Imagine if it had been him who lost his legs.”

Dean sighed.

“Yeah, I guess so.”

He put his hand over Cas’.

“I can’t think,” he said. “Can we put off all this kissing talk later?”

“Of course.”

“I don’t wanna get you in trouble, or myself kicked out of here or something like that.”

“I understand.”

Surprisingly enough, Dean’s sleep that night was not riddled with conflicted feelings over Cas, but rather the haunting memories of his time in Iraq. One dream had him wandering the desert looking for Charlie but finding nobody. His feet kept getting deeper and deeper into the sand, until it went over his waist and he couldn’t move.

He woke up in a cold sweat. His heart was racing. He went to feel his legs to make sure they weren’t stuck in sand, but when he grabbed at the missing knee on one leg and the barely-a-knee on the other, he gasped and shouted in frustration.

“Can’t move!” he yelled. “Can’t—fucking—gaaah!!”

Dean tried to settle. He tossed and turned on his bed, wishing none of this had happened to him. Why couldn’t it have been Charlie who lost her legs? Oh, God. Charlie.

Dean’s mind immediately raced to memories of her again. This time, it was one that occurred only five days before the accident. The convoy was on the move. Charlie had been in the truck ahead of Dean’s but she wanted to talk to him that night, so while the convoy continued its slow pace, Dean and Charlie were talking deep in the bunks.

“What’s wrong?” Dean asked. They were eating canned food rations and Charlie looked positively abysmal.

“I have a bad feeling,” she said with a frown.

“’Bout what?”

Charlie shook her head.

“I don’t know,” she admitted. “I just feel unsafe.”

“Well, it’s a warzone. Nobody’s safe.”

Dean scraped the last piece of mandarin orange out of his can and tossed it into the trash. Licking his lips, he remarked that, “once we get to the next base, I’m gonna go right to that mess hall and have me some pie.”

But Charlie wasn’t amused by that. In fact, she was crying.

“Hey, hey,” Dean said. “Don’t do that. You’re fine. You’re fine.”

She dropped her plastic spork to the ground and proceeded to huddle into a fetal position. Dean sprang up from his side and immediately hugged her. She nestled into his chest.

“I don’t wanna die,” she said.

Dean petted the back of her head. He sighed.

“You won’t, don’t worry. I’ll take care of you.”

Dean pulled himself out of the memory and did all he could to keep from crying. His chest was burning—aching—searing with pain now. Why did it have to go that way? What sort of a God would do that to a person like Charlie?

He rang for the nurse and Gabriel quickly showed up.

“Trouble sleeping?” he asked.

Dean was sitting up in bed. He was gasping and sweating, staring at Gabriel with almost maniacal insanity.

“ _Give me something_ ,” he said in a stiff voice. “ _Can’t sleep like this_.”

“What’s keeping you up?” the nurse asked. “Physical or emotional?”

Hot tears dribbled down his face but his jaw remained clenched.

“E-emotional,” Dean admitted. Had the situation been less tense for him, he would have shied away from that admittance.

“Alright, I gotcha, big guy. Hang tight.”

Dean grabbed two fistfuls of his sheets and rocked himself to ease the overwhelming pain. Charlie’s crying face kept hanging onto the back of his mind.

“ _You won’t, don’t worry. I’ll protect you_.”

The nurse came back with a pill in a tiny paper cup. He handed it to Dean along with a drink of water.

“Here you go,” he said. “This should do the trick.”

“Hello, beautiful,” Dean said to the pill as he quickly took it. He gulped down the water and gasped loudly from the cool sensation gripping his parched throat.

“Any chance you want to talk about what’s bothering you?” Gabriel asked. He said down on the edge of the bed and took Dean’s trash from him.

“Just stuff,” Dean said, doing his best to relax into the bed once more. The medicine couldn’t work fast enough.

“But no physical pain, right?”

“No, nothing like that.”

“Good.”

The nurse sat there for a little bit. He had to make sure that Dean was alright before leaving him alone.

“I hate this,” said Dean, breaking a long silence.

“Hate what?”

“All of this.”

Dean gestured to his legs, or the lack thereof, then the room. He shook his head. The medicine was starting to make him loopy. Smiles came.

“Welp, all I can say is that you’re lucky to be alive.”

“Am not,” Dean protested.

“Sure you are,” Gabriel continued on. “You could’ve died over there. You could’ve gotten an infection. Hey, you’re a lucky duck.”

“I am _not!_ ” Dean growled.

“Hey, hey, easy. I’m just trying to cheer you up.”

“I don’t need cheering up.”

Dean flopped into the pillow and turned over, putting his back towards the nurse. He pouted loudly.

“I should’ve been the one to die,” he groaned. “Charlie should’ve gotten her legs blown off. She’d be happy to be here. Thrilled.”

“I’m sorry,” Gabriel said.

“It’s not your fault,” Dean huffed. “I’m so sick of this. Sick of being an egg that people have to move around carefully. Sick of my brother being _extra super nice_ to me because I’m different not. Uggh. I can’t take it.”

“Calm down, Mr. Winchester. You’re gonna get yourself all worked up for nothing.”

“ _Sergeant_ Winchester.”

“Right, right. Sorry.”

“Not your fault.”

Dean was beginning to doze off. He rambled on about nonsense for a few more minutes until he passed out, giving Gabriel the clear to finally leave.

* * *

Morning arrived and Dean was happy to get a greeting from Cas. The nurse was all smiles today.

“Have a nice birthday?” Dean asked, taking the breakfast sheet from Cas’ hands.

“The nicest I’ve had in years.”

“Yeah? What happened?”

“I got some very nice presents from a person I care about, and I got drunk and have some very lovely cookies.”

“By yourself?”

“Yes.”

Cas frowned a bit as he said this.

“Next year you’ll have someone, I bet,” said Dean.

“Perhaps.”

“Hey, let’s just go to the cafeteria and have breakfast. How about that?”

“Oh?” Cas asked. He made a smile now.

“Sure. Let’s do it.”

With a nod, Cas followed Dean’s wheelchair out of the room and down the hallway for breakfast. He didn’t see Meg and Hannah. Perhaps they would come later.

Either way, Dean and Cas shared a nice morning meal together. Dean mentioned nothing of his upset during the night, and if you hadn’t known, you would never guess he had been so distraught.

After eating, Dean wanted to go into the courtyard. He wheeled up to the cherry tree, then hoisted himself out of his chair and onto the ground.

“Careful!” Cas yelped, running to Dean’s aid. “Don’t do things like that!”

“What? I’m fine.”

“But you could strain yourself. Please, _please_ ask for assistance when getting in and out of the wheelchair, particularly with such height differences!”

“Don’t worry about it. Come and sit next to me.”

Dean scuttled to the base of the tree and propped his back against it, patting the ground beside him. With a sigh, Cas took a seat close by and also put his back to the trunk. Blossoms were falling all around them. Their pink snow would be over soon.

“Sucks, don’t it?” Dean asked, looking up.

“What?”

“The flowers.”

“What about them?”

“They’re all dying. Seems unfair that they’re pretty for just a couple of days.”

“I suppose. But isn’t a few days better than none at all?”

“Maybe.”

“I have a questions for you, Serg—Dean.”

“Yeah?”

They were both still looking up at the tree. A blossom fell onto Dean’s nose and he scrunched up until it fell off.

“Why don’t you get prosthetic legs?”

“Can’t afford it.”

“Insurance?”

“It doesn’t cover it all, and you know that it’s not a one-time thing.”

“I suppose. But you’ll be getting disability. That should cover it, right?”

Dean glanced at Cas now. He scoffed.

“Yeah right,” he said. “You think I’m gonna take _full_ disability?”

“If anyone deserves it, it’s certainly you.”

“I can still move. Feed myself. I can work. You think I’m done with the work force?”

Cas looked at Dean and cocked his head. “I would assume,” he said softly.

“No way.”

“Doesn’t that seem foolish?”

“How?”

“Because you’re stressed out enough as it is. This is a major change. Your life won’t be what it used to.”

“Yeah I know that by now,” Dean grumped. He grabbed up a couple of blossoms and leaned over to stick them into Cas’ hair. The nurse was surprised and delighted. “I’m not a quitter.”

“It’s not a question of being a quitter or not…”

“Doesn’t matter.”

“ _No_.”

Cas looked to Dean sharply. The blossoms fell from his hair.

“What?” Dean asked.

“It does matter,” said the nurse. He took Dean’s hand between both of his. “You matter.”


	6. Chapter 6

Feeling Cas’ hands on either side of his fingers was an incredible sensation. He wanted to smile, but his mouth wouldn’t even budge.

“You don’t understand,” Dean mumbled.

“What don’t I?”

Cas kept his hands on Dean’s.

“It’s complicated. I…”

Dean brought his hand back. He retracted. His eyes closed.

“You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to,” said Cas, “But if it would help, I will of course listen.”

“Maybe later,” said Dean. He got up and climbed into his chair again, rejecting any assistance from Cas. “I need some alone time.”

“That’s fine.”

With a bitter nod, Dean wheeled himself out of the courtyard and back to his room. He went over to the window and stared out of it for a while, letting his mind wander all over the place. The first thing he thought about was Cas; how much he wanted to be honest but his own insecurities were holding him back. More than anything, he wished he could hold him, kiss him, explore his beautiful body and be a decent lover, but how could he do any of this with his handicap? Even after he got out of St. Raphael’s, he would still be legless and incapable of ordinary things.

There was once a time that Dean’s sexual prowess was the greatest attribute he had to his name. His need to get off a billion times each session often kept long term lovers away, which resulted in endless nights of group sex. It wasn’t his favorite kind, but at least giving a handful of men orgasms was better than one who would quickly tire.

Dean was somewhat well known in a few circles. With the Army, he never stayed long in one place, but if there was a gay club around they would soon learn about the sex machine that was Sergeant Dean Winchester.

“Damn…”

He closed the blinds. Seeing the brightness of day was too much for him at that point. It should have been Charlie at St. Raphael’s, falling in love with a nurse who she could spend her life with. She was brave and strong but also needed to be comforted, so a major injury like the one Dean was facing wouldn’t have been as life altering.

After nearly half an hour of sitting in his wheelchair and staring at the wall, wallowing as self-pity consumed him thoroughly, Cas came back.

“Dean?”

He knocked softly and entered. Dean had his back facing the door.

“I’m worried about you.”

“Eh…”

Cas walked up behind Dean and put his hand on his shoulder. Dean delighted at the feeling, but did all he could to hide those feelings.

“You know that your physician has referred you to a psychiatrist, don’t you?” Cas asked.

“He said something about that. Seems like bullshit.”

“Well, people come home from these places and they’re in a different state of mind.”

Cas came around to Dean’s front now. He had his hands behind his back and looked down sadly.

“Sometimes they think they are fine at first, other times they know that they are different. But…well…well many people think they don’t deserve to have returned.”

Dead grumped. He rolled his eyes and fidgeted a bit in his chair.

“Dean? Do you feel that way?”

He didn’t answer.

“It’s important…”

Then Dean’s face red and his eyes welled up instantly. He clenched his fists and stared at Cas in utter desperation.

“I shouldn’t’ve! I shouldn’t’ve!” he cried. “I shouldn’t be the one alive! It’s some cruel ,sick joke by a son of a bitch God!”

“Oh, Dean,” Cas cooed. He leaned down and hugged Dean tightly, and with his walls lowered, Dean fell into the hug. He slipped his arms around Cas’ waist and held him close. They looked at each other.

“My buddy died trying to dismantle the IED that took my legs,” Dean said in a gruff whisper. “We realized it was gonna go off too late. I tried to get her away from it, but she jumped at me and knocked me far enough that it only got my legs. But—her—she—“

Dean cried. He sobbed and wailed as Cas kept hugging him for support. He hated to admit it, but the treatment felt good.

“Now I’ve got no legs and Charlie has no life. Everything’s fucked up. I can’t do anything. I can barely wipe my own ass. My dick won’t stay up. I can’t be a good lover. Can’t be a good _anything_.”

“That isn’t true,” said Cas. He brought both of his hands up to Dean’s face now, cradling both of his wet cheeks. Dean blinked hard and gazed into Cas’ crystal blue eyes.

“Y-yeah it is,” Dean hummed sadly.

“No, Dean…”

They stared at each other for a moment, then Cas moved in and began kissing Dean hard. He slipped his legs around Dean’s waist and straddled the chair as he sucked his lips. Dean grabbed at Cas’ back and fed into the kiss, moaning and grunting in his throat from the pleasure. Cas had such a nice body. So firm, so smooth. Cas began to grind his crotch against Dean’s.

“H-hey,” Dean yelped between kisses, “We don’t wanna do this…your job and…all that…”

Cas held onto Dean’s shoulders now as he ground his growing hardon against Dean. His cheeks were bright red and his eyes began to glaze over. He kissed Dean once more and whispered, “You can still be a good lover.”

“I-I dunno,” Dean stuttered. He had never shied away from sex like that before, but since his millions of masturbation attempts recently had all ended in a limp dick, a feeling of nervousness was falling over him.

Cas put his lips against Dean’s ear and whispered, “Let’s be naughty, Sergeant.”

Dean felt his cock begin to harden. He looked at Cas and wet his lips. “Never thought you were the naughty type,” he said.

“I am,” Cas admitted, “It just takes the right guy.”

“A little closet freak?” Dean asked. His pride was quickly returning as he got harder and harder. Cas humped against him much faster, making his breath hitch. The nurse had amazing stamina for grinding.

“Maybe just a bit,” Cas said. He sat up momentarily and pulled the bottom of his scrubs down, exposing a perfectly smooth cock which sat back down into Dean’s lap. Dean had to touch it.

“Nice,” Dean hummed. “You wax?”

“Yes,” Cas admitted with a shy nod.

Dean wrapped his fist around Cas’ shaft, smiling to himself. “Uncut?”

“Obviously.”

Dean smirked and pulled the foreskin down, exposing Cas’ damp, hard cock. Every time his thumb brushed over the tip, a little more precum dribbled out and Cas gasped sharply.

“Doesn’t take a lot for you, huh?” Dean asked. He glanced up at Cas and smiled ear to ear.

“No,” said Cas, “Nor does it take a lot for you to feel better about yourself.”

Dean didn’t answer. He wasn’t up for any more therapy. Cas was bottomless and horny, Dean was feeling sad enough that he didn’t care about the potential repercussions and that was enough for him. Cas pressed his forehead against Dean’s and kissed his nose.

“Let’s be naughty…”

“Okay, let’s get dirty.”

Dean brought his own cock out now. It was fully erect in a moment’s time, which nearly dwarfed Cas.

“Oh, my,” Cas gasped in a short whisper, “It is _huge_.”

“That’s what they say,” Dean said, licking his lips. He took both of their cocks in his hand and began rubbing them together. Cas tried to be quiet, but his trembles and squeals consumed him. He grabbed onto the armrests of the wheelchair and rocked his hips in time with Dean’s jerking motions.

“Oh, God!” Cas yelped.

“Good?”

“Ohh!”

Dean used his other hand to pull up Cas’ top. He licked along his ribs but when he exposed the first nipple, Dean was taken aback.

“Hoh!” he called out. Cas trembled. “You _are_ a little closet freak!”

He checked the other side. Indeed, Cas had both of his nipples pierced. Dean had to wonder how he never noticed anything bumping out from the scrubs.

“It was just a little fun when I turned eighteen,” Cas explained between gasps. His cock was quite wet now.

“I think it’s a little fun still,” Dean said.

He opened his lips and wrapped them around one of Cas’ nipples, exploring the metal bar with his tongue. Cas yelped loudly and moaned more, working his hips faster into Dean’s hand. “Oh, God!” he cried out again.

“Mmmn…”

Dean looked up at Cas with his tiny nipple between his lips. Cas had such an innocent face and had been playing the sweet and gentle role, but seeing him get undressed and bare his naughtiness—all while on the clock—made Dean second guess his behavior.

“OH!”

Cas suddenly rocked his head back and thrust his hips hard, cum shooting out of his cock. Dean let his grip loosen. He rubbed gently as Cas spat his jizz onto him.

“That’s good,” said Dean. He let his dick drop from his grip and focused and teasing Cas still.

“A-are you going to have one?” Cas asked. His eyes were shut and his mouth open, body heaving stiff gasps.

“Nah, don’t think so.”

Dean tried to ignore his cock, which had become shy and flaccid almost instantly. He tucked it away and helped Cas clean up.

“You’re a dirty little fucker,” said Dean.

“Only sometimes,” Cas replied. He pulled his scrubs up and straightened himself. “I like to think that I am mostly quite innocent and helpful, but I do have a strong sex drive that has been neglected lately. Oh, but, Dean…”

“Huh?”

“It’s not simply lust that drives me.”

“I know.”

Cas smiled. He leaned down and kissed Dean on the lips slowly.

“You’re a very good person,” he said, “And I’m glad you’re alive, legs or not.”

“Thanks,” Dean said as he pressed his lips together. “So are you saying that you wanna pursue something long term when I get out of here?”

Cas nodded. He touched Dean’s hand.

“I do,” he said. “And I absolutely mean that.”

“Even if I can’t keep my dick up?”

Cas chuckled.

“I think that is a passing thing,” he said. “We can work on it. Um…hmm…some special physical therapy.”

Dean grinned.

“I like the sound of that.”

“Our dirty secret.”

* * *

 

Without a doubt, Dean was feeling better about himself after that encounter. Even though his dick still couldn’t perform like he would prefer, Cas was satisfied. And _damn_ was Cas a little firecracker! He’d pay for a lap dance like that, no doubt.

With the next day arriving, so did Dean’s second visit with Dr. Crowley. He was delighted to see his patient with a better attitude, but the psychiatric help was still inevitable.

“I’m afraid we simply must,” said Dr. Crowley. “I know you aren’t thrilled about the idea, but it’s a precautionary measure we have to do.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Dean grumped. He had his arms folded and a sour look on his face, despite a slightly more cheerful attitude.

“You are in great shape, though,” said the doctor. “Your vitals are normal, incisions are healing brilliantly…I’m quite impressed. You’re a healthy man, Sergeant Winchester.”

“I’ve tried. I guess.”

The room’s door opened and Cas walked in. He smiled at both of them and said, “Hello, Dr. Crowley.”

“Cas,” Crowley said with a small nod. He got up and began putting his devices away. “You’ve got a remarkable patient here. I’m rather impressed.”

“He is quite lucky,” Cas said with a smile. He said his goodbyes to Crowley and the doctor left them alone. “How are you, Dean?”

“As good as I was two hours ago,” Dean chuckled. He wheeled over to the bathroom. “I’m gonna shower. Can you help me out?”

“Of course.”

They got Dean into the tub and Cas turned the water on, then lathered up a washcloth and offered it to him.

“Eh,” Dean said, “Thought I’d let you take care of that.”

“Ohh,” Cas said, widening his eyes. He blushed a bit.

“C’mon.”

“Certainly.”

Cas began to soap Dean’s body up. He worked slowly and with great care. Dean relaxed into the tub with a smile on his face. “Feels good,” he said. “Thanks.”

“You have no reason to thank me,” Cas told him.

He soaped down Dean’s stomach and to his crotch, where his dick was starting to firm up. Here, Cas ditched the washcloth and just used his hands. He worked through Dean’s pubic hair and to his shaft, which he grabbed firmly and began to jerk off.

“Unfff,” Dean groaned, closing his eyes.

“How is this?” asked Cas.

“Fuuuck…”

Cas jerked a little faster. He rubbed Dean’s balls with his other hand.

“Hooooh…”

His mighty erection stood up in the tub. Cas jerked him quickly, grunting a little from the repetitive motion.

“Are you going to cum?” Cas asked. “Is my sergeant going to cum?”

Dean opened his eyes a little and looked at Cas. The nurse had this innocent look on his face, head cocked, eyes wide, that drove Dean crazy. But his dick began to grow soft.

“Ahh…I don’t…I don’t think so.”

Dean sighed in disappointment and slight embarrassment.

“That’s fine,” said Cas. “Really, Dean. Don’t worry about it.”

He kept washing Dean up even though he was pouting now. Cas tried to cheer him up with some kisses, but they wouldn’t do the trick. He rinsed him down and got him toweled off and back into his clothes and wheelchair.

“We’re still working on it,” said Cas. “I’m sure there’s something that can bring the spark back.”

“Ugh, it’s humiliating.”

“Please don’t worry about it.”

“I can’t help it.”

“I know, just try to relax and not worry.”

“I guess…”

Cas gave Dean a small kiss on the lips. “My shift is ending,” he said, briefly squeezing one of Dean’s hands, “But we’ll work on it more tomorrow.”

“Thanks,” said Dean. “You know, I…”

“Hmm?”

Dean shook his head.

“Never mind. I’ll see you tomorrow. Have a good night, Cas.”

“Thank you, Dean. The same to you.”


	7. Chapter 7

“Can’t I just work out for physical therapy?”

“No, I’m sorry. But you’re welcome to use the equipment during your down time.”

“Really?”

“Yes, of course. It’s important for you to keep your upper body strength. You’re lucky to have already been quite muscular before your injury.”

“Yeah well, keeping up appearances and all that. Are we done for the day?”

“Yes. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Cool. Bye.”

Dean wheeled himself out of the physical therapy room and headed towards the cafeteria. Though he was tired from his session with Anna, he felt invigorated to keep going with his day. Being intimate with Cas was life changing for him—instead of feeling sorry for himself, he was now able to get a hotty like his nurse off, and that was a good thing. Thinking about Cas’ cute asshole was a good replacement for painful memories of Charlie.

He went inside the cafeteria and found Cas talking to Hannah and Meg Masters. They were in line to get food.

“Cut-sies?” Dean asked.

Cas looked around. “We’re the only people in line,” he said softly.

“Yeah, I know. Let me in. Thanks.”

He stuck his chair in between Cas and Hannah with a smirk.

“How are you doing, Mr. Winchester?” the female nurse asked.

“Not bad, I guess.”

Meg poked her head around Hannah’s side. “Mr. Winchester?” she asked with a blank look on her face.

“Yeah. Hey, Meg.”

“Oh! You know my name?”

“Yep.”

“That’s incredible. Nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you, too.”

It was like that every day. Meg never remembered who Dean was, though she recognized Cas as “flower boy” without fail.

They moved on in line, ordered food then found a table for them all to sit at. Dean tucked into his sandwich while smiling across the table at Cas, meanwhile Hannah helped Meg with her constant fork struggle.

“You look happier, Dean,” Hannah remarked.

“I guess I’m getting over myself,” he said humbly. Cas smiled.

“The first week is always the hardest,” Hannah added. She looked to Meg and helped her straighten up her hand. “You learn to adjust.”

Dean thought for a brief moment that if he still had his legs, he would reach over and play with Cas’ feet. He felt bad at first, but then he realized that if he wasn’t an amputee, he never would have met Cas. And that was alright.

“This pasta salad is lovely,” Cas muttered to them after taking a small mouthful. “I think the dressing has improved.”

“Oh?” Hannah asked. “I’ve never tried it.”

Dean watched them chat while he chowed down on his own meal. When Cas was next to a woman, he suddenly looked more masculine. The strong lines of his face began to show and his muscles were more obvious. Then Dean thought about his own shape, his biceps, his six pack, and Cas went back to being a tender looking man. His blue eyes flickered with happiness as he made a joke with Hannah that Dean missed.

“It’s not bad. I ought to eat here more. You know I usually bring my own lunch.”

Hannah nodded. “I agree.”

“Alright,” Dean interjected, his tray now empty. “I think I’m done. I’ll head back to my room now. Hey uh, Cas? You wanna help me out?”

“Of course. One moment.”

Cas drank up the water in his cup then piled their dishes together and took their trays to the drop off point. They said their goodbyes to Hannah and Meg then went on their way.

“You’ve been making wonderful progress lately,” Cas said. “Emotionally.”

“Yeah,” Dean agreed as he wheeled to his room. “I’ve got someone to look forward to.”

“You always did.”

“What d’you mean?”

They went inside his room and Cas closed the door. He then followed Dean over to the bed where they both sat down (after Dean climbed out of his chair, of course).

“Your brother and his family,” Cas explained. “Aren’t you looking forward to being with them again?”

“I’m not gonna live with them or anything like that.”

“Right, but the facilities they were looking at?”

Dean turned his TV on then took Cas’ hand casually. Their fingers laced together and Cas smiled, though Dean looked at the daytime crime drama now playing with a straight face.

“I think I’ll take the place around here.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah.”

Cas leaned over and put a soft kiss on Dean’s cheek. “Why is that?”

“’Cause I wanna stay close to you, duh.”

“I thought as much.”

“Mmhm.”

The nurse slipped out of his shoes and pulled his feet up on the bed. He snuggled against Dean. Even small acts like this could get them in serious trouble (Cas mostly).

“Can I ask you something?” Dean asked.

“Yes of course.”

“How’d you lose your virginity? Was it with a guy? Y’know, how’d you find out you were gay and all that?”

“Oh!” Cas exclaimed with a hint of embarrassment or perhaps shock. He put his free hand to his cheek and thought for a moment. “I have _always_ known I was gay. There was no questioning for me. Losing my virginity? It happened it high school when I was fourteen.”

“Ooo, that’s young!” Dean remarked with a click of his tongue. He looked at Cas mischievously. “Was it naughty?”

“Not terribly so,” said Cas. “He was sixteen, we were involved. One day I was at his house and his parents were set to come home late, so we undressed and did the deed.”

“Well that’s kinda disappointing.”

“Why?”

“Figured a kinky guy like you would have some sick story about popping his cherry. Mine makes me no saint.”

“Oh? How did you lose yours, then?”

“Heheh…”

Dean cracked his neck and bit his lower lip. He put his attention on the TV once more.

“High school for me, too, but I fucked my teacher.”

“Oh!!” Cas’ face turned bright red. “How old were you? And he? Or was it a woman?”

“Nah, no way. Knew I was queer, too. I was, err, well I guess I was about seventeen since I was a Junior.”

“A bit late, isn’t it?”

“I think that’s normal. You were early, man.”

“That’s true...so how did you manage to have sex with your teacher?”

Dean grinned with pride as he began to tell the story.

“He was young for a teacher—Mr. Brady--right out of college so he must’ve been in his late twenties I reckon. I was a big teen, grew up fast, matured quickly. Girls loved me but I had no interest in them. My teacher knew it. He could tell what was going on, that was for sure.

“One day just out of the blue, he calls me in after class to ‘talk about my paper.’ I come over to his desk and he wants me to look at something. I get closer and he suddenly puts his hand on my crotch!”

“No!” Cas gasped in disbelief. “How could a teacher do such a thing? How did you respond?”

“I was a horny little fag, no way I’d let that go. I just stared at him as he rubbed it, looking up at me from his desk chair. He said, ‘Always thought you had a big one.’ I nodded. He was hot, you know. Blond guy. Total babe.”

“Mmh…”

Cas watched Dean with growing interest. He tilted his head seductively and leaned closer.

“Then he takes my dick out,” Dean said and Cas gasped again, “Jerks me off and says he wants me to fuck him. So I did. Bent him over his desk and made him beg for it.”

“Very naughty,” Cas said. He licked at Dean’s neck. “You’re quite naughty.”

“Heheh, I guess so. But you’ve gotta have some stories, too, Mr. Nipple Piercings.”

Cas giggled. “Well…”

“Well?”

“ _Well_ , that was a pretty good story that you told me. I suppose I do owe you a bit of goodness from me.”

“Sounds fair.”

Dean sat back against the wall and slipped his arm around Cas’ waist. It was worthy of noting how quickly Dean was growing close to his nurse. They were already acting like a well-established couple.

“I um, well,” Cas began his story sheepishly, “When I was first out of nursing school I worked at a hospital in another state. I may have had an affair with one of the doctors.”

“Oh-hoh-hoh!” Dean laughed. “ _Really_ now? Tell me more.”

Cas blushed and closed his eyes. He snuggled into Dean’s arms closer.

“He was in his forties, married, had three kids.”

“Ohhh! And you thought _my_ story was bad? Damn, baby! Keep talking.”

“Um, well, we were intimate for a while. We made love in supply closets and empty rooms. It was passionate…hard to resist.

“I have a very high sex drive and he was willing to give it to me. Once I get started, I prefer to cum and cum many times. Most men can’t deliver that much, but this doctor could. He spoiled me.”

“Ahh…”

Dean grunted and rubbed his own crotch. He was growing hard as Cas told his story. The thought of an older man taking advantage of Cas was sort of hot, despite the terrible repercussions.

“Do you like that?” Cas asked sweetly.

“Yeah, I do.”

“What do you like about it?”

Dean groaned. He rubbed harder. Cas put his hand over Dean’s and helped rub.

“You being dirty,” Dean moaned. “You getting fucked by an older man. It’s pretty hot. You’re a dirty little boy.”

Cas planted a big, wet kiss on Dean’s lips and shifted into his lap. He straddled him, still kissing, and began to grind. Breathing hard all of the sudden, Cas grabbed both of Dean’s shoulders and said, “I’ll show you how dirty I can be.”

“Show me…”

Dean slid his hands around Cas’ waist and pulled down the bottom of his scrubs, exposing his ass. Cas sat up momentarily and let him remove the pants completely. Dean looked him over.

“You’re beautiful,” he said.

Cas took Dean’s cock out of his pants and jerked his gently, looking at him innocently. “Thank you…do you have any lubricant?”

“Sure I do.”

Dean reached over to the bedside table and brought out a tube of hand gel. He popped it open and smeared some on his fingers, the handed it to Cas and went around to his ass.

“Let’s see what’s going on here.”

Dean touched the tip of his finger to Cas’ asshole. It was tight and lovely. He had to push inside right away.

“Ooh!” Cas gasped, arching his back. He had got lube on his fingers and was jerking Dean quicker now. He looked sweet with his cheeks flushed pink.

“You wanna get fucked?” Dean teased, dipping his finger deeper into the ass.

“Yes!”

“You like this dick? You wanna fuck it?”

“Ohh, yes!”

“Shh. Not so loud, Cas.”

“Sorry, sorry. Oh, Dean, please…”

Dean pushed another finger inside the hungry hole and began rubbing in and out. Cas tried his best to stay quiet but his moans and yelps still came out. Then he sat up a little higher and positioned himself over Dean’s wet cock.

“Sit down on it,” said Dean. “C’mon.”

Cas nodded and grabbed his cheeks, spreading them open so he could take Dean’s cock well. He slowly eased himself down, swallowing up the tasty dick with a series of satisfied groans. Dean held onto Cas’ waist, shaking as he was engulfed by the pleasure. Oh, the sweet sensation of fucking a tight ass!

“It’s—good!” Cas huffed.

He managed to get the whole dick inside him. Dean gasped, looking at the asshole that was pushing against his pubic hair. His thumbs rubbed Cas’ firm body and he moaned.

“You’re amazing, holy shit…”

“Is it good?”

“Hoho… _so_ good…ride me.”

Cas held Dean’s shoulders for support as he began to bob up and down. Dean thrust his hips up into him. He realized that his amputated stumps gave him good leverage if he pushed them into the mattress. Cas rocked on him with sheer pleasure.

“Feel good?” Dean asked.

“Ohh, Dean, you’re so _biiig_.”

“Yeaah!” Dean huffed. He arched his back and fucked up into Cas harder. “Oohh! Ooh man! MAN!”

“I love this!” Cas yelped. He humped harder. His cock began to swell.

“Cum, baby! Cum!”

The bed rocked. Cas trembled. His breathing was impossible hard.

“Oooh! Haaaah!!”

All of the sudden, Cas stopped and squeezed his body together. His cock sprayed out a thin cumshot and he whimpered over and over.

“Mmmm…so good…so sexy…such a hot little nurse…”

“Oh…ahh…oh, my…are you going to get off?”

Dean shook his head. “Don’t think so,” he admitted. “I’m getting limp…damn.”

“I’m sorry.”

Cas leaned down and put a kiss on Dean’s lips. “It should feel good that you can get me off, hm?”

“Sure does. Holy crap, you have an _awesome_ ass, Cas. Oh, man.”

“Mmh…”

They kissed again. Even though Dean’s cock was slipping out of Cas’ hole, he smiled. He hugged Cas and kissed him more.

“I should probably get dressed,” Cas said. “My other patients need me.”

“Yeah, no problem.”

Cas hopped off and put his pants back on. He smiled at Dean. “We need to try something else next time. I’m determined to make you cum.”


	8. Chapter 8

“I don’t think I really _need_ to see a shrink.”

“That might be true, but it’s a risk we can’t take.”

“But I’ve been feeling pretty good lately. Starting to accept all this a lot better.”

Dr. Harvelle was the therapist assigned to Dean. She seemed way too young to be a doctor and more like she should be on spring break somewhere. She had a pretty face and long, blonde hair, all of which were tucked behind the safety of a clipboard. Dean wondered what she was jotting down on it.

“Now I don’t want to alarm you,” Dr. Harvelle continued, “But often times in these situations, people go through a small period of self-perceived acceptance, only to crash and fall back into denial and pain.”

Dean winced.

“Do you have any concerns at this point?” the shrink asked.

He let his mind wander for a moment. There was Charlie of course, but by now he was learning that no matter how much it shook him up, he couldn’t bring her back. Then he had his helplessness, but Cas had done a good job propping him out and out of that.

“There’s one thing,” Dean said softly. He blushed.

“Do you want to tell me?”

“Eehh…it’s embarrassing.”

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to, but if you think it would be helpful, we can work on it.”

Dean scratched the back of his head and stared down at the floor. He was sitting in one of the therapy rooms at St. Raphael’s, which was a tiny, pleasantly furnished office with motivational posters on the walls.

“I can’t get off.”

“Get off of what?”

“You know. _Get off_.”

“Oh!”

Dean didn’t know what kind of response that was, and he didn’t want to bother checking how she looked.

“I’ve been uh…trying to jerk off. A lot. And I can’t finish no matter how hard I try.”

“Has this ever been a problem in the past?”

“No, never! Before the accident I was a sex beast!”

Dr. Harvelle chuckled politely. “I understand,” she said. “So what do _you think_ is causing your erectile dysfunction?”

Dean shuddered at that word. Was it really necessary to use?

“I dunno,” he admitted. “It’s real annoying. Embarrassing. Humiliating.”

“At least you don’t have a partner who sees this,” Dr. Harvelle said, unknowingly making Dean feel worse. “You can keep it to yourself, no matter how embarrassing it may be for you.”

“Could it be the medicine I’m on?”

“Are you taking anti-depressants?”

“No. Just pain killers.”

“Hmm…I don’t think they normally have that side effect. I’m more inclined to believe it’s rooted psychologically. Do you feel that you’re lacking control?”

“Sure I do,” said Dean. He wiggled what was left of his legs. “I can’t move myself anywhere. I need help with everything. If that doesn’t spell no control, I dunno what does.”

“Ah,” the shrink nodded. She wrote something else down on the clipboard which Dean eyed suspiciously. ”It’s not true, though.”

“How?”

“Well, you’re in a wheelchair. Who controls the wheelchair?”

“I do.”

“So there you go. You aren’t out of control. The method you’re _used_ to for moving around is no longer working, but when it comes to the new way, you’re just as in control as when you had legs.”

Dean looked up at the doctor and clenched his jaw. She smiled at him and gave a tiny nod.

“I guess that’s right,” Dean said.

“Tell me a little more about being a ‘sex beast.’ What does that entail?”

“Oh, uh,” Dean stuttered, “Well I had a strong drive back in the day, and I moved around a lot with the army. So I’d go to different clubs all over the place.”

“Nightclubs?”

“Gay clubs.”

“ _Ahh_.”

“I had a lotta sex. I mean a _lot_. My stamina kept me popular with group sex and stuff like that.”

“Oh? Give me an example if you don’t mind.”

“Er. Alright. Okay. So, there was a place in Miami that I got to know pretty well. I made friends with the owner so he’d give me the hook-up. They did this thing at the end of each month where guys who had turned eighteen in that said month could get in on a train.”

“Train?”

“Yeah, that’s where a buncha dudes line up and one or more guys go through the line, banging them one after the other.”

“Oh, my.”

Normally, describing this sort of this would make Dean swell with pride. He loved boasting about his sexual prowess and exploits, but for some reason, given the situation, it just made him feel bad. He stopped talking and sighed.

“Is there a problem?” Dr. Harvelle asked.

“Feels shitty talking about that.”

“How?”

“I dunno. I feel rotten. I always thought it was cool to be fucking guys on a stage in front of people, but…eh…”

“Has your injury changed your perspective on that?”

“Maybe.”

“Do you think…” Dr. Harvelle’s voice grew softer and even more caring now. She set the clipboard aside and put her hands together. “Do you think you’ve always felt out of control?”

The shrink’s questions struck an unsuspecting chord with Dean. His expression fell empty and his mouth slight opened.

“Mr. Winchester? Is that how you feel?”

“But it doesn’t make any sense,” Dean retorted blankly. “I’ve always had the upper hand in my relationships, even if they’re just casual. I’m dominant with all my partners.”

“It sounds to me that you’ve had a very large handful of sexual partners. Do you know how many?”

“No idea,” said Dean. He felt ashamed to say such a thing, surprisingly. “There’ve been nights where I bang more than twenty dudes.”

“And now you suspect that lifestyle is over, correct?”

“Yeah, ‘course I do. I can’t get up on a stage like this.”

Dean gestured to his body sadly. He wasn’t sure how to feel. Therapy made him tense.

“Alright,” Dr. Harvelle began, “What I’m going to say may be upsetting, but please don’t think that’s my intention.”

“Okay…”

“I don’t mean to speak badly of your choices, however it has been widely regarded that people, both men and women, who are highly promiscuous tend to be hiding from a desire for comfort and attention.”

“What do you mean?”

“For example, a woman who goes out and finds a new sex partner every night but claims she has no interest in settling down likely wants to settle down more than anything.”

Dean made a grunting noise.

“Is that what you would like, Mr. Winchester?”

He shifted uneasily in his wheelchair and folded his arms.

“I don’t like this therapy shit. Is it really necessary? I mean, talking about this stuff—is this a legit part of rehab?”

“Of course it is,” said Dr. Harvelle. “An injury permeates the body _and_ mind. Now you’re avoiding the question—Is settling down something you would like? A solid partner? Perhaps a family?”

This is where Dean lost it. No, not his temper but far from it—he broke down into tears and began to sob. Dr. Harvelle stood up and handed him a box of tissues, which is grudgingly took.

“I’ll never have a damn lick of normalcy!” he shouted, hands over his wet face.

“Why would you think so?”

“’Cause I’m a faggot! A legless faggot! I’ll never amount to anything! I tried to defend our fucking country and I can’t even do _that!_ ”

Dean pounded his fists into his thighs and Dr. Harvelle tried to calm him down.

“Let’s relax now, Mr. Winchester. Just try to relax. Getting worked up isn’t going to help.”

Face blotchy and wet with tears, Dean slumped back in his chair and looked up towards the ceiling. He wiped his eyes sloppily with a tissue.

“Where did that come from?” the shrink asked.

“I dunno.”

“Are you afraid to let your walls down?”

“I don’t _know,_ ” said Dean, stiffer this time.

“Why are you so convinced that you can’t settle down?”

“’Cause I know I can’t. God damn it you ask a lot of questions.”

“I’m just trying to help.”

“I know, I know. But still…”

Dr. Harvelle took up her clipboard again and wrote something down, but Dean didn’t notice this time.

“You do realize that many gay people have meaningful relationships and families, right?”

“I guess. Just seems like that isn’t anything I could do.”

“Why?”

“I’m better as a manwhore.”

“That isn’t what you _want_ to be, though, right?”

“I guess not.”

“Is it possible that you find having a family and settling down to be too ‘submissive’? Since you said you prefer to be dominant with your partners.”

Dean made a small grunt of approval.

“I guess so.”

“Do you guess or do you know?”

“Ehh… _ehh…_ ”

“I’m starting to think that your frustration is unrelated to your injury.”

“You think?”

“I do.”

“Okay. So what’s that mean for me?”

“It means, Mr. Winchester, that you’ve convinced yourself you’ll never have what you want—a family. You’ve decided it wouldn’t fit the mold that you were born into, so in retaliation, you slept around and exploited yourself sexually.

“Now that you’re wheelchair-bound, you can’t live up to the ‘sex beast’ you had been, so you’ve returned to hiding from your deep feelings. Does that sound about right?”

“I _guess_.”

“You guess or you know?”

Dean huffed. In a soft voice he painfully admitted, “I know.”

“Then that’s progress,” Dr. Harvelle said with a smile. “I’m sure there’s a man who will let you dominate him regardless of your injury, but also be willing to settle and make a family.”

“I _guess_.”

The shrink sighed. She looked at the clock on the wall. “I’m afraid our time is up,” she said. “I’ll see you again next week.”

“Okay. Thanks…”

Dean forced a smile to Dr. Harvelle then wheeled himself out. He went down the empty hallway and passed by the courtyard. By now, his head was swimming with all sorts of heavy emotions. Did he want a family? Was that true? His entire adult life had been spent chasing casual booty and getting his dick sucked by strangers. He never thought anything different. Losing his legs meant losing his gusto, not his chance at having a _family_.

As he passed the courtyard doors, he saw Hannah, Meg and Cas sitting beneath the cherry tree. Nearly all of the blossoms had fallen by now, but soft piles of them remained around the roots. Meg was running her fingers through them as she talked to a very pleasant looking Cas. Dean paused. He watched him smile. He thought about him holding a baby.

A _baby?!_

“Oh my God.”

Dean spoke aloud without bothering to check for other people around him. Cas happened to notice him and waved before getting up and leaving the courtyard.

“Hello, Dean. I didn’t see you there.”

“I just…I just got here.”

“How was therapy?”

Dean stared at Cas, unable to grasp how he was feeling.

“Fine.”

“I’m glad to hear it. Do you need help with anything?”

“No.”

“Are you sure? You don’t need _help_ with _anything?_ ”

Cas winked innocently after this and Dean cracked a smile.

“I get whatcha mean, and no, I’m alright for now. Maybe tomorrow.”

“Very well.”

Dean said goodbye and went back to his room. When he arrived, the message machine (which apparently he had) on the bedside phone was blinking. He went over there and listened to it. The speaker was Sam.

“Hey Dean, it’s me. I mailed some information about those condos we were talking about. It’s going to come to St. Raphael’s desk tomorrow, but it’s addressed for you so hopefully they’ll know to give it. Anyway, call me if you want. Bye.”

Dean didn’t feel like calling Sam back, even though he knew he should. After all that he went through with therapy, he just felt like sleeping for the rest of the day. Dinner didn’t even sound appealing, and he had been good about eating all three meals recently. Instead, he got in bed and watched TV for a while until Gabriel showed up to start the evening shift.

“Hanging in there alright?” the nurse asked happily.

“Yeah, think so.”

“Cool, cool. Let me just get your blood pressure.”

“That’s fine.”

He hooked the device around Dean’s arm and it began to squeeze.

“Are you thinking about skipping dinner tonight?”

“Maybe.”

“Ya know that’s not good for you.”

“I know, I know. I just…ugh…I had an intense day.”

“Oh yeah? It was your first visit with Dr. Harvelle, right?”

Dean sighed.

“Yeah.”

“How’d it go? Not good?”

“Nah, it was fine. I just didn’t expect it to be that, well, intense.”

“You want to talk about it? Or have you had enough of that?”

“I’ve had enough, thanks.”

“I get it, no worries. Oh, the hairdresser comes tomorrow so you can get a clean cut and a shave. How’s that?”

Dean smirked.

“Great.”

“Sweet deal,” Gabriel said with a chuckle. He took Dean’s temperature real quick then left him alone.

For some reason, his bed was more inviting that night. He lay down and stared at the space beside him. The mattress was a little bigger than a twin, which seemed strange for a hospital, but since they had to deal with all sorts of different people with their problems, comfort was key. At the end of the day, St. Raphael’s was a pretty cool place. It didn’t feel like a rehabilitation center or anything like that. The room was cozy and the staff was…well…

Dean smiled. There were two pillows on the bed, which he always kept stacked beneath his head, but this time he felt like taking one of them and holding it. This was a high school thing to do, but Dean didn’t care. He put his arms around and pillow and held it to his chest, imagining it was Cas. He pretended they both had wedding rings on.


	9. Chapter 9

It was a large, white room with tall windows and warm light spilling in from them. The furnishings were unnoticed except for a giant bed right in the middle. As Dean walked towards it, legs and all, he saw that Cas was laying there.

“Dean…”

Cas was nude, body splayed out teasingly to expose everything he had. As he whispered, he gave Dean a mixed look of seduction and innocence.

“I’m gonna fuck you,” Dean said.

He got on the bed and sat on his knees, taking both of Cas’ legs up and hiking them onto his shoulders. Cas flopped back into the fluffy pillows and made a tiny coo of delight. With little effort, Dean pushed himself inside and began to thrust hard. “Submit to me,” he said.

“Yes, Dean.”

Cas’ thighs tightened around Dean’s body, head thrown back and eyes closed in pleasure. He cried out over and over as Dean started to fuck him quickly.

“Gonna fill you up.”

Dean leaned over and pounded into the ass almost violently. His hands clasped onto Cas’ shoulders, pushing him down as a hot zest rushed through his body.

“Ahh…there…damn…”

He buckled and slowed down, feeling his orgasm wrap itself over his whole being. Cas squealed and wiggled beneath him.

“Now you’re mine,” Dean whispered.

His cock slid out and Cas relaxed his legs, giving Dean the chance to lay on top of him and embrace. Cas put his arms around Dean and held his back. “Oh, Dean,” he sighed. Dean nestled into the crook of Cas’ neck and put small kisses there.

“This is all I want,” Dean hummed.

“This is all you need,” Cas replied happily. He looked back at Dean and flashed a tiny smile.

Then Dean turned around and saw Charlie standing there. She had her arms folded and was tugging at the sleeves of her jacket. “Hey,” she said rather plainly.

“How are you?” Dean asked, as if he wasn’t laying on top of his partner naked.

“I’m good,” Charlie told him. “You look happy.”

Dean gave Cas a squeeze and said, “I am.”

“I’m glad.”

Cas fell asleep and Dean got off of him. He was dressed all of the sudden, sitting on the side of the bed. Charlie took a seat beside him.

“Do you miss your legs?” Charlie asked.

“My _legs?_ ”

Dean looked down and in an instant, his amputations returned. He felt sick to his stomach.

“Right. My legs…”

Charlie frowned sadly and patted Dean on the shoulder. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.

“Don’t worry about it,” Dean said. “I don’t miss them as much as I miss you. Hell, I’d give up my arms to bring you back. I’d switch places with you any day.”

“That’s stupid!” Charlie shouted. The room began to melt away. “You’re an idiot.”

“How?”

“If we switched places, you wouldn’t meet Cas.”

“But you’d be alive and you’d meet someone instead.”

“ _Maybe_.”

Dean sighed.

“It’s all dumb to argue though. I’m here and you’re dead, so…”

He looked at Charlie, who smiled at him weakly. They were in an empty void. Charlie gave him a hug.

“Just because I’m dead doesn’t mean you’re life has to die, okay? Go do what you want…”

Dean woke up instantly.

He was shaking.

The room was boiling and then freezing. For a few minutes as he stumbled awake, got into his wheelchair and went to the bathroom there was no memory of the dream, but then it all came back in a flash.

“Damn…”

It was still an hour before breakfast so he couldn’t even get coffee. Maybe if he went down there, they’d let him have a cup early? The cooks were bound to be getting it all ready. Or Cas could have the hookup.

“Damn!”

It was Cas’ day off to make matters worse, but perhaps that was for the better given the dream he had. Now he just wanted to have his legs back so he could pound the hell of out his nurse.

That day went on in a long and boring manner. He didn’t like Cas’ replacement nurse. Breakfast was a little unusually dry. Physical therapy was boring.

After his appointments he went by the front desk to check for mail. The envelope that Sam told him was set to arrive had made it on time, so he took that and returned to his room.

Inside, he found all sorts of information on the place he would likely move into after St. Raphael’s. There were flyers with the different kinds of housing available—all with full-color photos and explicit details. What looked best to Dean was a first floor condo. They made them with any kind of handicap friendly furnishing and structural builds. Best of all, he’d still be close to Cas.

It seemed appropriate to give Sam and call and thank him, but nobody answered so he just left a message and rested. Gabriel was interested in the new place, but Dean’s boring day was so boring and that he blanked everything out until Cas’ shift started the following morning.

“How are you feeling?”

“Okay, all things considered.”

Cas took his blood pressure and jotted the data down, then sat on the side of the bed next to him.

“You’ve been quiet,” said the nurse.

“Eh. Thinking a lot.”

“About?”

Dean shrugged and leaned against Cas. He put his arms around him and gave a small hug.

“Are you sure you’re alright?” Cas asked.

With his head hiding against Cas’ shoulder, Dean closed his eyes and whispered, “Just wanna hold you.”

“That’s fine.”

Cas hugged back. It was an oddly quiet moment, just their bodies held together and soft breathing. Dean took a deep breath and inhaled Cas’ sweet and slightly bitter aroma.

“Are you excited to leave next week?” Cas asked.

“Yeah. Can’t wait, actually. I’m gonna pick out my new place tomorrow.”

“I’m happy for you.”

Dean pressed his lips against Cas’ shoulders. “Can I ask you something?”

“Anything. You know that you always can.”

“What do you want out of life?”

“In which way?”

“Well uh, like,” Dean cleared his throat loudly, “Where do you see yourself in five years? Ten years? You wanna…er…”

“Family?”

Dean blushed.

“Yeah…”

“Of course I do. I think most people want to settle down. Why do you ask?”

“You want that with a man, right?”

“Yes. It should be clear by now that I’m gay.”

Cas couldn’t help but chuckle, even though Dean didn’t stir. He eased off of the hug and retracted into himself. Cas looked at him and cocked his head. “Why do you ask?”

“How are you gonna do that? Kids and stuff.”

“Adopting or surrogate mother. I’m more partial to a surrogate, that way the child is related to myself or my partner. Dean, why are you asking these questions?”

“I dunno.”

“I think we’re getting ahead of ourselves.”

Dean closed his eyes and folded his arms. “Yeah maybe,” he muttered quickly.

“I certainly _favor_ the idea of having a family with you,” Cas said, at Dean’s surprise, “But I’m afraid I just don’t know you well enough to make plans.”

“Right.”

“Oh, Dean, don’t feel bad. It’s fine. In fact, it’s smart for you to question.” Cas gave Dean a soft kiss on the lips. “And it makes me very happy that you’re considering the future.”

Dean made a faint smile. “Yeah,” he said. “Guess so.”

“Tell me something—would you like to take a stroll on the grounds?”

“What grounds?”

“You know the woods behind St. Raphael’s. They own a large portion and there’s a path in it. You’re allowed out there with nurse supervision. Some fresh air and new scenery could be nice.”

Dean nodded. Some of his confidence was coming back. “That sounds nice actually. Good idea.”

“After breakfast I’ll meet you at the backdoor.”

They finished up their morning and Cas went on his way to the see the other patients. Come meal time, Dean went down to the cafeteria alone to get his breakfast. He didn’t see Meg or Hannah, which meant they had likely already been. That was a bit of a letdown, since he was starting to enjoy introducing himself every day to her.

When he was done and cleaned up, Dean went to the backdoor that Cas told him about. He had never paid much attention to it before. There was a note on it that said, “Patients are not allowed on the grounds without nurse supervision.”

“Well, lucky for me I got a supervising nurse,” Dean said to himself smugly. About ten minutes later, Cas showed up and they ventured out.

“The path goes for half a mile,” Cas said.

“No kidding?”

“Yes. And the forest, do you see the fencing there?”

“Yeah.”

“St. Raphael has bought up that part and fenced the whole path in. It’s quite safe. And it’s paved so we can go on it together the entire way.”

“Cool.”

The path wound through the forest no differently than a regularly bike path would. Just as Cas said, the fresh air and change of scenery did a lot to benefit Dean. He took deep breaths and enjoyed the bright green foliage as Cas chatted about this and that. Dean even let him push the wheelchair for some of the way, since a mile of wheeling would get awful tiresome.

“Anyone use this path much?” Dean asked.

“Not really. It’s too long for most of our patients, but I don’t mind. I think you can use the stimulation.”

“Yeah definitely.”

They made it to the end, which was a small circle of pavement with a sign that told you the path had stopped (in case you couldn’t tell.) Here, Cas stopped and leaned against a thin tree near the path.

“Outta breath?” Dean asked with a grin.

“No, not even close. I just thought we could use a break before heading back.”

Dean looked around with a smile. Birds were chirping as they flew from tree to tree. A light breeze rustled the leaves. It was a beautiful day already; perfect for reminding Dean that he was lucky to be alive. He turned to see Cas and immediately shouted at what he was doing.

“WOAH WOAH!” Dean gasped. Cas was pulling the top of his scrubs off. “WHAT’RE YOU DOING?!”

“Shh!”

He dropped them on the path then pulled down his bottoms. Dean flushed bright red.

“C-Cas!”

“We’re alone, Dean. Nobody comes out here, not this far.”

“But!”

Completely nude, Cas stood before Dean and looked at him innocently. “Are you afraid of being naughty with me?”

“No!” Dean protested. Through his shock and nervousness, he had a massive erection starting. Cas looked _amazing_ in natural light. His body was perfect. The piercings through his nipples glinted.

“Good.”

The nurse winked, got to his knees and began pawing at Dean’s crotch. He rubbed the hardon smoothly.

“Hooh,” Dean cooed, rocking his head back. “That’s good.”

“Is it? Does it feel nice?”

“Yeah.”

Cas daintily brought Dean’s cock out and plunked his mouth around the head.

“Yah!” Dean yelped. He clutched the arms of his wheelchair and instinctively thrust into Cas’ throat. The suction was incredible. Cas bobbed his head up and down, taking Dean deeper with utter delight. Then he pushed the cock out and stood up.

“I think we can be naughtier,” Cas whispered. “After all, this is the way nature intended us to do the deed.”

“Yeah,” Dean agreed, jittery and delirious from how passionately dirty they were being.

Cas turned around and showed Dean a well-oiled asshole. Dean raised his eyebrows.

“You---did you---“

“I was playing with myself in the bathroom, yes.”

“You planned this all along!”

“Then I must confess…”

“You slut!”

Cas squat down and touched the head of Dean’s cock to his hole. Dean put his hands on Cas’ waist for support. The nurse looked back at him with his lips parted lustfully. “Then I’m a slut,” he said. Dean felt his cock throb harder. “Fuck me raw, because I’m a slut.”

He sat down on the dick and let out a breathy moan of release. It wasn’t the easiest fuck, but he managed to push most of it inside. Dean kept his hands on Cas’ firm skin, rubbing gently but also sending a hard intermitted thrust.

“Oh, Dean!” Cas gasped.

“Like that dick?”

“Oh, I love it!”

“Ride it, baby.”

Dean put his lips against Cas’ back as he relaxed into him, grinding on the cock roughly now. They huffed and grunted as their feral lovemaking took over the best of them.

“Aah! Dean!”

“Here. Hold the armrests.”

Dean suddenly let off of Cas’ body and instead shoved his arms beneath the nurse’s legs. He lifted under the knee, forcing Cas to bend them up high. This gave Dean the perfect angle to fuck into him hard. It was strenuous but the sensation was well worth the effort.

“Gaaah-aah!” Cas yelped. His whole body was being picked up and dropped over and over as knee consumed him.

“Fuck it, fuck it!” Dean growled. “Cum!”

“Hnng! Aah!”

Cas trembled greatly and his asshole sent contraction after contraction. A wicked orgasm shot through him at once and ribbons of cum began to spew around.

“Good, goooood! Ooo that’s good!” Dean cheered on, thrusting into Cas as the cum kept flying. Cas was hot all over and convulsing.

“Y-you going t-to c-cum t-too?!”

“ _Eh_.”

Dean didn’t want to admit it in the heat of the moment, but his dick was deflating fast. Why couldn’t he make it just a little bit further?

Cas settled down quickly and collapsed into his arms. He took a few deep breaths to catch himself then sighed.

“My…”

“Sorry.”

“Why are you sorry?”

“I didn’t cum.”

“Oh, Dean…it doesn’t matter to me, you know that. But _I’m_ sorry that you couldn’t enjoy this as much as I did.”

“Not much I can do about it.”

“You know that I’m committed to getting you off. We’ll figure this out.”

“Yeah…”

“Would you like to head back, or should we try again?” Cas offered. “I wouldn’t mind a second round.”

“Don’t think so,” Dean admitted dejectedly. He gave Cas a hug and rested his cheek against his back.

“Once you leave this place, we’ll have the freedom to explore everything.”

“True.”

Cas looked over his shoulder and Dean and smiled. “Are you sure you wouldn’t like a lap dance?”

“You know I _would_ , it just doesn’t have any point. Let’s head back before we get caught.”

“Ah, that’s a good point.”

Cas got of Dean and dressed silently. His lips and cheeks were still rosy and he kept shooting tiny smiles over at Dean. Once they were ready to go, Cas slipped into his shoes again and began pushing Dean back.

“Good idea on the path thing.”

“I thought so.”


	10. Chapter 10

“Alright, Mr. Winchester. How have you been feeling?”

“Not bad, actually.”

“I’m happy to hear that. Are you ready to leave in a few days?”

“Yeah. Got my place all lined up.”

“Wonderful. Where are you going?”

“The Rappaport Homes.”

“Oh, yes I know about them. I’ve heard good things. I’m excited for you…but how is your mood? Do you find yourself having swings of depression?”

“A little bit sometimes.”

Dean cleared his throat. He stared back at Dr. Harvelle, who held the usual clipboard in her thin hands.

“Thoughts of suicide, desire to harm yourself?”

“No.”

She smiled. “That’s good to hear. Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I’m sure. I guess…”

Dean paused for a moment and looked around the room. Upon taking a deep breath, he continued softly, “I guess I’m looking forward to moving on with my life. I mean, when this first happened to me, I thought it was unfair and pretty fucked up. I didn’t _want_ to have this lifestyle. But things have changed. I’ve realized that this isn’t the end.”

“I’m glad.”

They wrapped up the session on a positive note.

“I would like you to still see a therapist weekly, or monthly at a minimum. It’s only to keep you in check as time goes on.”

“Okay, that’s fine.”

“I’ll write you a list of referrals and have it sent to your room later.”

“Awesome. Thanks.”

“Take care, Mr. Winchester.”

“Yeah, you, too.”

Dean gave Dr. Harvelle a little smile then went on his way. He wheeled down the hallway, beyond the empty courtyard and to the cafeteria. It was almost time for dinner. Cas was waiting in front of the doors in.

“Hello, Dean.”

“Hey.”

“Did you have a nice therapy session?”

“It was alright.”

“You look happy.”

Dean pressed his lips together, eyes averted towards the floor. “I am,” he admitted softly.

“Good. You should be.”

The cafeteria opened up shortly thereafter and they went in as the first ones to eat. Dean got his dinner and went to a table. There, Cas stood at the corner and rocked on his feet.

“My shift is up.”

“Oh. Right.”

Dean was about to take a mouthful of pot roast but he stopped. Instead, he looked at his nurse and frowned, somewhat stunned.

“I’m sorry,” said Cas, “But I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Can’t you just stay and eat with me?”

“You know that I would love to,” Cas said to Dean, “But if I remain after my shift is up, it’s still viewed as being at work, which they can’t have.”

“Okay, okay,” Dean sighed.

He said his final goodbye for the say and went back to his dinner. As he finished up, Meg Masters and Hannah approached him.

“Dean?” Meg asked.

Dean looked up quickly and in surprise. “Uh. Yeah.”

Meg’s eyes were staring at him, quite narrowed and with some intrigue. Hannah looked pleased.

“How’re you, Dean?” Meg asked.

“I’m good I guess. And you?”

“Okay.”

“She’s been starting to retain more information,” Hannah told Dean with a boastful smile.

“That’s awesome,” he replied.

Meg was distracted and wanted to keep going, so they waved to Dean and left him alone. Once he was done with his meal, he took his tray to the kitchen side then went back to his room. The pamphlets from The Rappaport Homes were sitting on his bed. He put them on the nightstand and got up under the covers. He wanted to be out of St. Raphael’s and home with Cas.

* * *

In the morning, Dean had a visit from Dr. Crowley before Cas showed up. It startled him awake since he wasn’t told about that.

“Morning, Mr. Winchester,” said the physician. He came up to the bed with a clipboard and some paperwork in his hands.

“Uhh…”

“Sorry about all that.”

“It’s…it’s fine…”

Dean tried his best to sit up and become coherent. The doctor was paging through the paperwork.

“I’m just here for your final analysis before sending you out tomorrow.”

“Cool.”

“I’m going to ask you some questions and take some blood work if you don’t mind.”

“Sure. I’ve gone this far. Can’t turn anything down now.”

“Smart,” Dr. Crowley said with a grin.

He had a couple pages of questions to ask, some tests to do and of course an all-over physical. He said that Dean was doing incredibly well and he was pleased with his healing over the last few weeks. Dean felt good about that.

“Now, you will need to see your primary care doctor once a month for a while.”

“I don’t have one.”

“No? Where do you live?”

“Nowhere, currently. But I’m getting a place at the Rappaport Homes.”

“Ahh, not a bad choice. Well then, I can write you a list of referrals. Or you can come and see me at my office.”

“You do private practice?”

Dr. Crowley nodded.

“Indeed,” he said. “I come by St. Raphael’s three days a week to check on my patients, that’s all.”

“Then let’s just do that. Sounds smart.”

“I would have to agree,” Dr. Crowley said with a smirk. “I’ll have my receptionist ring you. Can I get a number to reach you at once you’re out of here?”

“Yeah, sure.”

Dean jotted down his cellphone onto Dr. Crowley’s papers.

“Very well then, Mr. Winchester. I’ll be seeing you.”

“Cool. Could you send my nurse in?”

“Of course.”

The doctor left, and shortly thereafter did Cas arrive. He had light pink scrubs on and a cute smile across his face. “Hello, Dean,” he said quietly.

“Hey. C’mere.”

Cas came up to the bed, where Dean grabbed him by the collar and pulled him down for a kiss. Cas let out a squeal and melted against his lips.

“My last full day here,” Dean whispered.

“Are you excited?”

“ _So_ excited. Can’t wait to get back to living.”

“Mmm…”

Cas put his arms around Dean and kissed him more. They both closed their eyes and moaned against each other’s lips.

“Would you—mmm—like to get breakfast?” Cas asked between kisses.

“Yeah,” Dean answered. He backed out of the kiss and stared at Cas lustfully. “Let me eat that ass.”

“ _Ohhh_.”

Dean laid back on the bed and motioned for Cas to climb on top, which he did. He pulled his bottoms off and sat with his knees on either side on Dean’s head, facing his crotch. Dean palmed Cas’ cheeks and spread them apart, looking at the fresh little hole.

“Nice. Sit down.”

Cas, face bright red, lowered himself down so that his hole was right to Dean’s lips. Dean pressed a few gentle kisses against him, then let his tongue out and ran over it in a slow, fluid motion.

“Naaah…”

Cas clenched his fists and tried to keep his noises help within, which was nearly impossible when Dean’s amazingly strong tongue was lashing at his tender hole.

“Hooh…”

Dean squeezed at the cheeks firmer as he began to lick more and more, growing increasingly rapid and wet. Cas began to tremble. His cock hardened up, balls against Dean’s chest.

“Good,” Dean muttered between licks. He dug his face deeper into the ass and began pushing his tongue inside the hole. Cas clenched his jaw. Hot waves of pleasure rippled throughout his body. Dean was so talented.

“Haaah…”

Dean began to fuck the asshole with his tongue. He was able to keep it firm and long, plunging through the ring of muscle over and over again. Cas, caught up in the moment, straightened his back and ground his hips into Dean’s face.

“Oohhh, God,” Cas gasped, “It’s so _good_.”

While Cas rode on Dean’s face slowly, tensing his body up and squeezing his thighs together, Dean used one hand to hold onto Cas’ asscheek while the other started to jerk him off. The nurse’s tender, uncut cock thrust into Dean’s hand desperately.

“Gaaah!” Cas yelped. He bit down on his lower lip and tried to quiet himself, focusing his energy on the movement of his hips instead. Working faster and faster, Dean pulled at Cas’ dick, simultaneously twisting his tongue around inside the hole until Cas suddenly buckled and came.

“Hooh!”

Jizz shot out onto Dean’s shirt in a long, erratic pattern. Cas trembled. Dean cupped at the throbbing, deflating cock delicately and relaxed his tongue. He put a series of a soft kisses around Cas’ hole, taint, ass and even thighs. “You’re so beautiful,” Dean whispered. Cas looked down and noticed that Dean wasn’t hard at all. He decided not to say anything about it.

_Boooooo-boop_

_Boooooo-boop_

The room’s phone began to ring and Cas suddenly sprang off of Dean. He panicked a bit and pulled his clothes back on.

“It’s cool, just the phone,” Dean told him. He sat up and reached to answer it. “’Lo?”

“Hey, it’s me.”

“Oh, Sammy. What’s up?”

Cas got a couple tissues from the bathroom and began cleaning the mess on Dean’s shirt in silence.

“I just wanted to check on you. Is everything alright? You move into the new place tomorrow, yes?”

“Yep. Been through all the paperwork. As far as I can tell, we’re good to go. I’ll give the place a buzz in a little bit to double check it anyway.”

“Okay, sweet. Once you get settled in, I’m going to come visit you, how’s that sound?”

“If you gotta.”

“I do, and I should. Ruby said she’s gonna stay home with the kids, so it will only be me.”

“Alright, I can live with that.”

Sam cleared his throat and got a little quiet. “Are you um, are you doing alright? Now that you’re getting to the end of your major rehab and all.”

“I’m fine. Thanks.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I think so.”

Dean looked at Cas, who was standing beside the bed with rosy cheeks and a thin smile. Dean wet his lips. “Y-yeah, I’m doing just fine,” he corrected himself.

“I know you were pretty shook up before. I’m glad to hear you doing better.”

“Yeah well, this place has been pretty good to me.” Dean winked. “It seemed like bullshit at first, but I’ve been doing a decent amount of thinking. It’s coming together.”

“Good. That makes me happy.”

“Okay, so I’ll let you know once I settle into my new condo, how’s that?”

“Perfect.”

“Talk at you later.”

“Bye, Dean.”

He hung up the phone and went to get into his wheelchair. Cas helped him.

“I can’t wait until we can have a normal relationship,” said Dean.

“Oh, I completely agree. As much as this has been naughty and fun, I want nothing more than to have decent, worry-free alone time with you.”

Cas leaned down and put a kiss on the top of Dean’s head.

“Yeah. That’d be nice. I’d like you to come home to me.”

Cas smiled.

“I’d like that, too.”


	11. Chapter 11

It was at last Dean’s final minutes at St. Raphael’s. Though he was sad to leave the kinkiness of banging his nurse on duty behind, a better future was ahead of him.

He was at the front desk and filling out discharge paperwork, waiting for everything to go through and his van to arrive (the Rappaport Homes offered a splendid shuttle service). It seemed that the whole process couldn’t go quick enough!

“Alright then, Sergeant Winchester,” the clerk at the front told him and she took a clipboard away, “That takes care of that. Now you’ve arranged all of your doctors and therapists starting next week, right?”

“Done and done,” said Dean.

“Wonderful.”

The clerk keyed in a few entries into the computer in front of her, printed something and offered it to Dean. “If you can just sign this and you’ll be good to go.”

“Man. Can’t believe it.”

Dean took the pen he was using once more and scribbled out a fidgety signature. The clerk took it and gave him a smile. “Good day,” she said. It was hard to believe.

Cas now came up to him, looking rather ordinary. “Are you done?” he asked.

“Yeah, just waiting for my ride.”

“I see. Then, well, would you give me a call once you’ve settled in? And after 6, too.”

“’Course I will.”

They had already exchanged phone numbers. Cas smiled. “I want to see the new place, and as soon as possible.” His voice was rather soft.

“I want you to see it, too.”

Dean so badly wanted to give Cas a kiss, but with his freedom only a minute or two away, he dare not ruin Cas’ career. Instead, they stared at each other with deep affection in their eyes but no actions to be taken. Then, the shuttle that Dean had requested arrived.

“I’ll call you, promise,” Dean said.

It seemed rather anticlimactic to leave the center so quietly. He had spent the last few weeks surrounded by those people, and now he would suddenly disappear. Of course he would still see Cas and Dr. Crowley, but everyone else would go about their lives without hide nor hair of Dean again.

While they stood there and said their goodbyes quietly, Meg Masters and Hannah approached. Dean narrowed his eyes at them. “Hey,” he said.

“Meg is wondering what you are doing,” said Hannah.

Meg, who stared at Dean oddly, stuck her tongue out and said, “Yeah, what _are_ you doing?”

“Heading out,” Dean said.

“Out where?”

“Going home.”

“Oh.”

Meg wrinkled her nose.

“Yeaaaah,” Dean said, taking a deep breath.

“Going home forever?”

“Something like that.”

“Oh. Well. Bye, then. Bye and your special friend, flower boy.”

Dean blushed. He stole a look over at Cas then back to Meg, who stood there with a smirk on her face. Hannah was unmoved.

“He is—was—my nurse,” Dean verified quickly.

“Right, right,” Meg said. She nodded quite slowly. “Bye, then.”

They walked away slowly and Cas just looked at the floor. Dean saw that his shuttle had arrived. “I’ll call you,” he said to Cas in a little mutter.

“Goodbye for now, Dean.”

It had been a minor ordeal to move his things from storage and into the new condo. They weren’t even in the same state, so you can imagine what kind of hassle that created. Dean was used to it, though, since he had done it numerous times. The only thing different now was that the storage wasn’t going to another military base.

The condo was ground floor, as requested, with wide entryways and counters that were just a bit lower so he had perfect access to them. The few pieces of furniture that he possessed had been put in their appropriate rooms, and boxes labeled “bedroom”, “kitchen”, “bathroom” and whatnot were left unpacked, since Dean didn’t want any unknown hands rummaging around through his personal affects.

This gave him quite the job to do when he finally made it there, but the reason why showed up immediately, since the first box he broke into was topped with porn magazines. He shuffled through dozens of hunky men, innocent looking twinks and leather-bound cuties until he reached a couple photo albums of the non-pornographic nature. He dumped the magazines into his nightstand and the albums went on the only bookshelf he had packed.

“Yep, home; this is home.”

Dean spoke to himself as he continued to unpack. His radio/CD player was a welcome find which went on his nightstand, too. He turned it on and found the first classic rock station he stumbled upon. It was nice to hear music again.

Before he knew it, the clock showed after 6 and that was time to call Cas. With Chinese delivery on the way, he got to his cellphone and rang the nurse.

“Hello?”

“Hey, it’s Dean.”

“Ah. Dean. I’m glad to hear your voice.”

“Heheh, yeah. I got here alright, been unpacking up until now. I think I’m pretty much done. You wanna come over and check it out?”

“It’s not too soon?”

“’Course it isn’t. Bad enough I had to wait until you finished work.”

“Mmmh.”

Cas chuckled politely and agreed to come over. Dean gave him the address then got fixed up as best as he could. Did Cas care? Probably not, but it was important to Dean that he looked good. He wasn’t living at a hospital anymore. Cas wasn’t his nurse. This was real life and he had to go about it as such, so a good washing up, a bit of cologne (“Is it still good?” Dean wondered as he sprayed it on) and a dress shirt made him feel great. The only bummer was that none of his pants really did the trick anymore. He had to roll them up and tuck the legs under, or knot them off. He wasn’t sure what to do. Maybe he would find a tailor the next day.

The food came and shortly thereafter did Cas. He stepped inside and looked around with a pleasant smile on his face. Dean was surprised to see the nurse out of scrubs—that was a first. Cas was wearing smooth, light denim jeans and a nice button up. His hair had been brushed smooth.

“I love it,” Cas said as he went deeper into the condo.

“It’s feeling like home already,” Dean added. He closed the front door and watched as Cas explored the place. Seeing the dark-haired beauty roam with wonder in his eyes made Dean think he should never leave him. “Well hey, I ordered Chinese so let’s settle in and have the first meal in this new place.”

“That sounds nice.”

The condo had a little kitchen that connected to the dining room (which had a large sliding glass door to the porch), then a living room, one bathroom and two bedrooms. Dean insisted that Cas take a seat in the dining room while he got the food ready. “And I know how you like to eat healthy, so I ordered you some steamed shit.”

“Lovely. Steamed _shit_.” Cas chuckled.

“Well, you know…”

“Of course.”

Even though the kitchen had cupboards over and under the counters, Dean only put things into the bottom ones, not just because they were the ones he could reach but since it _made sense_.

“I’m so glad I thought to pack up my kitchen dishes,” Dean said.

“Pack them when?”

“Oh. All of my stuff, right? It was boxed up from my last place before I went to Iraq. So I got my dishes—all two of ‘em. Haha.”

Cas peered over at the countertop that Dean was putting serving sets together on. “It looks like more than two,” he remarked.

“Technically I got enough to serve four people, but that’s all. One pot, one pan, coffee maker of course. But that’s it. I never really cooked much, but maybe now I finally have the chance to get around to it.”

“Are you going to get a job like you said?”

Dean sighed, though a happy look remained on his face. He put the dishes and bundle of delivery food into his lap and wheeled over to the table, then set it all up for them both.

“I guess so,” said Dean. Cas cocked his head. “Turns out I’m getting pretty good disability, so I can survive for a while. But the thought of staying at home _all day_ sounds like fucking torture, ‘specially if you’ve got a fulltime job.”

Cas blushed. “ _Ohh_.” He put a dollop of rice onto his plate and looked at Dean shyly. The handicapped man continued.

“Resting is all fine and dandy, but I’ll need to get busy again eventually. But uh, you can come over whenever you want.”

“Thank you.”

Cas cracked open the container to his steamed bean curd with mixed vegetables and took a deep breath to smell it. “Mmm, I think this will be good.”

“Hope so,” said Dean. He too was getting into his food (beef chow fun). “I got a system for take-out restaurants.”

“Oh? What’s that?”

A broad grin showed up on Dean’s face as he pulled off the menu which was stapled to the paper bag. He set it down on the table and smoothed it with his palm. “See,” he began, “When I find a place I really like, I’ll rate the dishes as I try them. One star if it’s shit, two if it’s alright, three if it was decent, four if it made me happy and five if it was totally out of this world. And the restaurants that aren’t worth my time? I write down the names into a notebook so I can check before I pick a new place. Wouldn’t wanna order from a shit place twice.”

“That’s smart,” Cas agreed with a nod, taking the first bite of food. “You’re quite clever. I like that.”

“And you’re sexy,” Dean replied. “You’re smart, too, and cute…kind…kissable…not to mention _incredibly naughty_.”

“Hoh hoh!” Cas snorted. “It’s true! And just imagine the boundaries we can push, now that St. Raphael’s is out of the way.”

“Mmhm,” Dean agreed as he took a big bite. With his mouth full of food he added, “Like eating Chinese out of your ass.”

Cas widened his eyes. “Is that something you would want?”

“Eh, maybe not Chinese food…”

They both had a good laugh about it, but they were also clearly intrigued and turned on by the idea.

“Have you ever eaten food out of an ass?” Cas asked.

“Off but not out. What about you?”

“I don’t _typically_ have my lips by the butthole.”

Dean couldn’t help but laugh. Cas’ language was adorable in its own special way. Dean slurped up a big fat noodle and eyed him curiously. “Didn’t answer the question,” he muttered.

“Right. Well, I’ve never eaten food off _or_ out of an ass. I’ve licked cream off of a cock, though, and I found that quite pleasant.”

“Mmm…sounds nice. You get it all over your face?”

“A bit.”

Cas finished up his little portion then put the lid back on the food’s container. Dean had two big platefuls then called it a meal.

“You uh, wanna stay?” Dean asked.

“Oh…I didn’t really bring the necessary stuff to spend the night. The thought didn’t cross my mind. Wouldn’t you rather spend the first night in your place alone? Downtime to adjust?”

“Why?” Dean grumped. He took their dishes to the sink. “I’m sick of being alone.”

“Oh, Dean, I’m so sorry. How about tomorrow? Tomorrow for sure.”

“It’s a date.”

“I’d like to call it more than just a date.” Cas followed Dean into the kitchen and put a kiss on top of his head. “But as I’m here, would you like to play around? Considering you wanted me to stay…”

“Just sex? I dunno.”

Dean washed his hands at the sink and dried them on the single dish towel he had, all the while Cas stood by patiently.

“Not that I would pressure you,” Cas added quickly. “I can do whatever you would like.”

Dean cleared his throat and wheeled back so that he could look at Cas properly. The happiness had drained from his face and now he just looked tired. Cas never noticed how pronounced the crow’s feet around Dean’s eyes were, or the spotting of freckles all over.

“Can we look at my stuff?” Dean asked in a broken voice. Cas nodded. They left the kitchen together and Dean took him to the master bedroom.

There were still some boxes on the floor, most of them were opened already and clutter was piling out. Cas squat down beside one and pawed through it gently.

“Things from life,” Dean explained.

Cas picked up a framed photo that was sitting on top of some clothes. There was a pretty blonde woman and a rugged looking man. “Who are they?” he asked.

“My folks.”

“ _Ohh_ …she’s pretty.”

“Yeah.”

Dean had his wheelchair in the corner, back to Cas while he gently went through a box on the bed. “Both dead,” he said rather nonchalantly.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine. Don’t matter.”

“Um. Dean? Do you need anything?”

“Nah…”

Cas got up, putting the picture back in the box gently, then walked behind Dean and put his hand on his shoulder. He rubbed softly and Dean leaned his head against the hand. They said nothing for a few moments.

“You should probably get going,” Dean said. Taking the hint, Cas nodded and made his way out.

“Call me if you need anything,” said Cas.

“I will. Sorry. I just…ah…”

“It’s alright, Dean.”

Dean sighed. “Sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologize. I’ll come back tomorrow and spend the night.”

“Okay. I’d like that. Thanks.”


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My apologize for the short chapter, also for updating so sparsely. I'm in a real slump writing wise.

 

It was a long night for some reason. Despite the freedom and newfound acceptance, Dean was tossing and turning all night long. He wanted Cas by his side. Then when sleep finally managed to take him over, his cellphone rang and threw everything to shit.

“Huhh…hel-lo?”

“Did I wake you?”

It was Sam.

“Yeah…it’s okay…”

“Jeez, it’s almost noon. Are you alright? Get to your new place fine?”

“Yeah, yeah. No problems. I just couldn’t sleep, that’s all.”

“Oh. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it…”

“I wanted to check in and also let you know that I booked a flight for next week.”

“Sweet.”

“Do you have any furniture I can sleep on, so I don’t have to get a hotel?”

“Yep.”

“Okay…well…I’ll let you go. Don’t want to ruin your sleep more than I already have.”

“Don’t worry about it. But I’ll talk at you later. Bye.”

“Bye, Dean.”

Dean let the phone hang itself up, then tossed it to the side and attempted to get up. At least he had an excuse to try out the new shower. It was hardly different from the one at St. Raphael’s, only a bit fancier and it had more room. You should have seen the thing!

There was a door on the side with handlebars that made it easy for Dean to climb into. With it securely closed behind him, he sat down on the formed seat and used the showerhead. Now it was also possible to take a bath, since the door sealed completely and the well where his legs would go (provided he had them) had a decent depth. But Dean wasn’t much of a bath guy. He preferred his bathing to be quick and efficient, witch baths aren’t.

Breakfast was leftover Chinese since that was literally all he had. Sure, he could have called a shuttle to take him to the store, but his apathy got the best of him. He did however go and explore the grounds a bit after eating.

Since the complex prided itself on being handicap friendly, there were lovely and wide sidewalks everywhere. As he wheeled around, he saw many other people going places or simply exploring as he was. Some were in wheelchairs, some were missing limbs just like him, but also quite a large handful had prosthetics (Dean wondered how many others there were that he just couldn’t tell). He contemplated many things as he watched their faces pass him by. Several would say, “hello” or “good afternoon.” He would just nod since being cheerful didn’t quite suit him at the moment.

But that all changed when Cas arrived in the evening. He had several canvas bags, those reusable ones for groceries, which surprised Dean greatly.

“Wuzzat?”

“I thought you might need some food to stock up on.”

Cas came in very casually and set the bags onto the kitchen counters with an exhausted huff. He then turned to Dean and gave him a kiss. Dean felt a flicker of warmth within him—not of a sexual nature but rather something else that he couldn’t well describe.

“Now I know you said that _you_ wanted to cook more, but maybe before you get much practice, I can make dinner for us?”

Dean nodded slowly. “Sure,” he said. Cas smiled and set to work.

“All this time having meals with you and I’ve learned about your tastes pretty well.”

“True.”

Dean gave Cas room in the kitchen. He wheeled back so that he was in the threshold to the dining room. Evening light glittered through the sliding doors and onto Cas’ form as he swooshed about the tiny kitchen, first filling the only pot with water then pulling a couple items from one of the bags.

“Any knifes? Large ones for cutting.”

“No.”

“Ah, you need at least one.”

Ravioli in a plastic package went into the water and Cas smiled down at the pot.

“Never thought about it,” Dean muttered.

Cas used a thin steak knife to chop up an onion and a clove of garlic. He put some butter into the only skillet. After a brief moment to allow it to heat, he tossed in the aromatic vegetables. A delightful sizzle preempted an even better smell. Dean felt his stomach rumble.

“A large spoon?”

Dean shook his head.

“How did you ever carry on?” Cas asked with a little chuckle. He used one of the soup spoons to push tomato sauce from a can and into the skillet.

“Dunno. I guess we’ll have to go shopping then, huh?”

“Mmh.”

Once the pasta was tender (which didn’t take too long, since it was the refrigerated sort and not dried) and the sauce was hot, Cas made two plates up and put them on the dining table. Dean wheeled over there and tucked into the meal.

“This is great!” he said.

“It’s not entirely special, but I thought it’d be nicer than, oh, Chinese leftovers or grilled cheese maybe.”

“Hey, don’t knock grilled cheese!”

Cas laughed and took a bite. It delighted his senses. Dean wanted to play footsy beneath the table, but, well…

“It _is_ really great,” Dean said when he was nearly finished. “Thanks.”

“Of course. I mean, after all, um, well…”

Cas shied a bit. He put his fork down and cleared his throat timidly.

“What?” Dean asked.

“I don’t mean to be arrogant or anything, but we are, um, we are _boyfriends_ , aren’t we?”

A big, warmhearted smile spread on Dean’s face.

“Yeah. ‘Course we are.”

“Aah! I’m so glad!”

It seemed that a great burden had been lifted from Cas’ chest. He relaxed into the chair and sighed pleasantly, all the while Dean watched him with the same grand smile.

“You’re a great boyfriend,” Dean added. Cas acted as if he didn’t hear that and began clearing the dishes.

“And now what would you like to do?”

“Well, I uh, put some more stuff away in my room if you wanna check it out.”

“Of course.”

With dinner cleaned up partially, they headed off to the bedroom. Cas brought his overnight bag along with them, and Dean showed him some photo albums filled with snapshots from childhood. He had been a cute baby, though grumpy in nearly every picture. Sam came along and was always smiling. It seemed to be contagious as well.

Cas made a mental note that Dean’s mother, the pretty blonde woman he had seen before, was completely absent after Dean was about eight years old. Then the albums all ended just a few years later. Cas didn’t ask what happened though the question burned in his mind.

“Yeah, so that’s that,” said Dean. He closed the last album and put it on the shelf he had found it.

“It looks like you had a lovely childhood.”

“I did, I guess.”

Afraid that Dean was about to slip into a low mood, Cas popped into his lap and gave him a kiss. This cheered Dean up greatly.

“Hey,” he said softly, putting his arms around Cas to hold their chests together.

“Hello, Dean,” Cas whispered. He went into for another kiss and this time, they held it for a bit. “Mmm…” Cas moaned and rubbed him crotch into Dean’s. “Would you like to fool around?”

“I dunno,” Dean admitted. His enthusiasm quickly dwindled.

“There’s pressure, I just thought you might want to. And well, it’s been…it’s been a little bit for me.”

“I’m sorry. I’m not feeling it.”

“That’s fine.” Cas put a kiss on Dean’s nose and stopped grinding. “I think I can learn to wait. Do you just want to go to bed?”

“Yeah, if you don’t mind.”

Dean got washed up quickly, which was something he was pretty proficient at now, especially in his own space. When he was done, he stripped down completely and got beneath the covers. Cas went into the bathroom now and insisted that the door be shut.

“What’re you doing in there?” Dean asked.

“Private things,” Cas replied shortly. There was some noise that Dean couldn’t quite peg down.

“Uh…okay.”

“Oh, just don’t worry about it.”

The faucet ran and the toilet flushed, then more noises Dean wasn’t sure about. Finally Cas came out wearing nothing but a pair of tight, dark blue briefs. He sparkled.

“Y’know, I think you might look good in a thong.”

“I have them.”

Cas’ answer was so nonchalant that if the mental imagery wasn’t overwhelming Dean, he would have laughed. Cas sat on the edge of the bed and rubbed lotion on his legs. Dean watched.

“You should bring some,” he said.

“I will. I have lots of things I should bring.”

Dean let out a small grunt. Cas rubbed the lotion into his feet liberally.

“Why do you do that?” asked Dean.

“To keep my skin soft, of course. Haven’t you noticed?”

Dean put his hand on Cas’ back and rubbed gently. The first thing he felt was muscle; firm, taught, beautiful muscle. But then he noticed that the skin was incredibly soft. Maybe he had been taking that for granted.

“The amazing thing about your body,” Dean began, “Is how it’s damn manly but also hella tender and sweet.”

Cas put the lotion away and got beneath the covers. His eyes widened when he saw Dean was naked. “That’s just how I am, I suppose,” he said.

“Heheh, yeah, it is, isn’t it?”

“Mhm.”

“Hey, Cas?”

“Yes?”

“You think we could uh…well…”

“What?”

Dean’s voice got quiet.

“Think we could _snuggle?_ ”

“Of course, why not?”

Cas put his arms around Dean and cuddled right up to him, while Dean relaxed and hugged him close. He let out a slow breath and nuzzled his face into Cas’ soft hair.

“I guess I’ve never had the chance to really cuddle much,” he admitted. “It feels emasculating.”

“Oh, Dean. Sometimes I think I could hit you.”

“What! Why?”

“You’re smart but then you’re stupid.”

“Ugh…”

“There’s nothing wrong with cuddling. It feels wonderful…doesn’t it?”

Cas snuggled closer to Dean, so impossibly close that nothing but lovely skin and a warm, happy glow could be felt. The only thing odd for Cas was that there were no legs or feet to play with.

“Yeah,” Dean whispered, “it does.”


	13. Chapter 13

It was the first time in a long time that Dean woke up engulfed in a feeling of utter bliss. He was on his back, mostly, with Cas cuddled up into his arms. He held the man close in a tender, warm embrace.

Dean woke up slowly but when he checked the time, he started into a groggy panic and rattled Cas, muttering “W-work, Cas, work!”

“Nuhh…day off…”

“Oh, right…good…”

Cas let out a pleased sigh and snuggled deeper into Dean’s embrace. The feeling of his warm butt pushed right up against Dean’s crotch made his dick stir.

“Ohh…”

“Mmh…”

Dean nuzzled Cas’ cheek and down to his neck, putting little weak kiss after kiss on the sweet smelling skin. Cas rolled his shoulders and tipped his head to the side, giving Dean more room for the tickly kisses. This was all either of them really wanted.

“I like a day off,” Dean muttered.

“Me, too.”

“Aah…”

With an undeniable boner growing (which neither of them had a problem with), Dean slid both of his hands down Cas’ side and to his hips, where he applied pressure towards him and into gentle morning thrusts. Cas put his hands out to the side and supported himself on the bed, now feeding into the slow rhythm that Dean created with their bodies. And wow—did Cas have a body on him! Dean was familiar with it but it _still_ managed to blow his mind. How could a man be so smooth, tender and beautiful yet be quite muscular and firm? The combination was out of this world and he considered himself insanely lucky to get such a partner.

“I wanna fuck you,” Dean whispered into Cas’ ear, not before running the tip of his tongue along a length of neck.

“Fuck me,” was all Cas replied, breathing heavy now and grunting every few seconds.

Dean loved that kind of invitation. His cock throbbed. He let off of Cas’ hips and pushed him forward. “Sit on my face first.”

“Alright.”

With an almost childlike innocence, Cas got up and took off his briefs, pulled the covers down then straddled Dean around the torso. His ass plopped right into Dean’s face, which was welcomed warmly with firm palms on either side. Dean didn’t waste any time, either—he spread the cheeks apart and dove with into them.

“Gaah!!” Cas yelped.

There was no need for Dean to remind him that since they weren’t at St. Raphael’s anymore, they could make as much noise as they wanted to. Cas got that memo already.

“Oohh! Dean! Haah!”

Cas’ cries were loud as he twitched softly from Dean’s touch. The wet tongue lapped nice and slow over the tight hole, taking its time and ensuring each lick was as titillating as possible. Cas was arced over like a turtle, hands desperately pawing at Dean’s thighs (he made sure not to go much lower and draw attention to the missing knee and shins).

“So good,” Dean managed to mutter between licks. They increased their speed and pressure. Cas yelped loudly.

“DEAN!”

“Mhhh…”

Now Dean was dipping the tip of his tongue into the hole, spreading the ring of muscle open to tease and tease at the tender nerves. Cas nuzzled Dean’s erection. The pleasure from his tongue was almost incapacitating him.

“Suck my dick,” Dean moaned.

Cas answered with an open mouth taking the cock inside. He sucked at it hard, grunting and huffing as he did so. Ooh, feeling Dean’s ever so talented tongue dancing on his manhole while his thick rod thrust between Cas’ lips was the greatest thing. It was just the greatest thing imaginable.

“S-suck it!”

Again, Dean took a teeny break from rimming to let the words escape him. Their bodies were now winding together in a little ball of sweat, licks, grunts and gasps. If Dean still had his legs they would absolutely be knotting the men together.

“Hoooh! S-stop!”

Dean yelled. He flung his head back into the pillow and eased off of the cheeks. Cas let the cock fall out of his mouth and he looked back at his partner.

“Is something wrong?” he asked softly.

“Think I might cum.”

“Oh!”

“Wanna fuck you.”

“Alright. Of course.”

Cas was about to lower himself but Dean stopped him. “Uh-uh,” he said, still gasping. “I’m going on top.”

“Um,” Cas hesitated to ask, looking sheepish. “Umm… _can_ you?”

The uncertainty was present in Dean’s face as well. “Think so,” he said.

Gears were turning. He got Cas to lay down on his stomach, face in the pillows but watching him still, then Dean hopped up and sat himself right at Cas’ butt. He was able to put his leg with a knee down on the mattress for support while the knee-less one needed a pillow to balance right. That worked pretty well. He spread Cas’ thighs just a bit so that he could lube up and get his cock wedged between the cheeks, then once everything was ready, he put his hands on the bed and eased himself inside the hole, leaning into Cas’ body and working his core with a careful tenderness.

“Aaah…that…that’s good…”

Cas clutched at the pillows and tried to steady his breath while Dean made his way inside. He closed his eyes and savored the sharpness of his muscles opening.

“Y-yeah,” Dean grunted. He had to focus on this carefully. Too many thoughts kept buzzing through his head—“Am I gonna lose my erection?” “Can I stay up like this?” “Does it feel good for Cas?”

“Oohh…”

Cas buckled and gasped loud all of the sudden. He pushed his ass up in Dean’s direction and wiggled.

“You like that?” Dean asked. He was still a bit nervous about the new position and hesitated to gain his old confidence back.

“Ooh, _Dean!_ ”

Cas’ face began to burn bright red and he pushed into the pillows with new force, his smooth, deep voice cracking from the pleasure.

“I-I’m going to c-cream the sheets!”

“It’s fine, cream ‘em.”

Dean was adjusting better and able to get a rhythm going. He put his hands onto Cas’ back (mmm, nice muscles) and rubbed him gently as his core twisted and tightened. His cock slipped inside until it was all the way sucked up.

“Haaaah,” Dean huffed. “That’s a good tight hole.”

“Oh, _Dean! Dean!_ ”

He hadn’t seen Cas this responsive before. His body was writhing, his voice shouting and suddenly _screaming_ as Dean’s cock rammed him hard. And this was great for Dean. He nearly felt like his old self again.

“Like that, baby?”

“Oh, God!”

“Like taking my big dick?”

“Fuck! Aah! Dean! Good!”

Dean dropped down so that his chest went right against Cas’ back. They were both warm and sweaty. Dean nibbled on Cas’ neck.

“Hoh! Deaan! Aah! Y-you’re milking me!!”

“Mmmm…”

Eyes closed, Dean worked his cock slower now, but harder. He rubbed up into Cas’ ass, hopefully hitting that nerve spot full on.

“OOH!”

Dean nuzzled his face into the crook of Cas’ neck, still nipping and kissing as his hard thrusts rocked their worlds. He lightly sucked on the earlobe before him then whispered, “You like it when I go on top?”

“I love it,” Cas answered in a voice just as soft and raspy.

“You’re a little submissive, aren’t you?”

“I’m very submissive.”

“That’s fucking hot. I think—hooh—OH! GAH!”

All of the sudden, Dean pushed himself up to arc his back, flung his head back and shouting. His thrusts ceased as a white hot wave of orgasmic joy rushed over him.

“FUU! HAAA! D-DAMN!”

He trembled. Cum was juicing out of him so much that it almost felt like piss (the relief was similar, at least). His whole body fell weak and he collapsed onto Cas’ back.

“Fuck…”

“Are you alright?” Cas asked softly.

“So good…”

“Mmm…”

Cas hummed happily.

“Damn. Cas. Do you…you need more?”

“I’m fine.”

“Sure?”

“Yes. I’m sure.”

“Okay. More snuggles now.”

Dean rolled off of Cas and brought him back into his arms. There was a loud squelch when the cum dribbled out, but Dean said not to worry about it. Besides, there was already a puddle from where Cas had been laying.

“This is good,” Dean said. He was on his back and their chests were together now. “Real good.”

Another hour of sleep fell over them, but then they agreed it was time to eat. In the nature of their original arrangement, Cas helped Dean wash himself and get ready for the day, then Cas cleaned up and they went into the kitchen. Dean was fully dressed but Cas insisted on wearing briefs once more and a snug t-shirt.

“You look cute,” said Dean. He was parked in the threshold while Cas prepared breakfast.

“Thank you, Dean. I appreciate that. I don’t know if I would return the sentiment, though. You’re more _handsome_ or _studly_.”

“Sweet. I get that.”

Dean winked and flashed a big grin. Cas laughed softly and continued making food. Once it was ready, they went to the table and tucked in.

“So what’s on your agenda?” Dean asked.

“What do you mean? Today?”

“Today…tomorrow…dunno…”

“Why do you ask? I do have to get home but not for too long. Just to feed my cat, you know. And I should pick up a few more things.”

“You have a cat?”

“Yes.”

“Didn’t know that.”

“Is that a problem?”

“Nah, why would it? Glad you’re a responsible pet owner. Heheh.”

Dean took a big sip of coffee and chuckled at Cas, who was eating toast humbly. “I do love my cat,” he said. Then, with the utmost ease, he said, “And I love you.”

Dean stopped. He held his mug with both hands and looked down at his plate. His heart thumped. When he stole a quick glance at Cas, he saw that the man was still eating as if he had said anything else.

“I uh…”

Dean cleared his throat. Cas looked at him with wide eyes.

“ _I love you too_.”

The words were like sandpaper. He had never said them to another man before. But, all in all, it was a relief. And he meant it. Cas smiled.

“It’s nice to hear that from you.”

“Um. Er. Any…uh…reason?”

“Because when we first met, you were miserable. Don’t you remember?”

“Yeah of course. It’s not like that shit is all behind me now. I still worry about it.” Dean sighed. “Charlie still keeps me up at night. I just have a hot piece of ass to keep my mind preoccupied.”

“Oh, Dean, you speak so casually but I know what you really mean.”

Cas got up and began clearing their dishes.

“Oh?” Dean asked, eyes following the booty. “Okay, then. What do I mean?”

“You talk about me like you’re only in it for the sex,” Cas explained, “But you know as well as I do that our relationship is far more than skin deep.”

“I guess.”

“Of course. It’s fine, Dean. Don’t worry about it.”

“I won’t.”

“Mmh. Good.”

Cas washed up in the kitchen silently then returned and kissed Dean on the forehead. “I’m thrilled that you finally orgasmed today,” he said.

“Me, too.”

“It’s a big achievement. And, well, heh…”

Cas looked playful. Dean smirked. “What?” he asked. Cas teased softly and tapped Dean on the shoulder.

“If you want to get into more dom/sub play, we can. I have the hardware.”

“Ohh really now?”

“Some,” Cas said with a naughty smile. He slipped his arms around Dean’s shoulders and kissed him on the lips. They held it for a moment.

“So you really are a dirty boy, huh?” Dean growled.

“I didn’t get my nipples pierced because I’m boring in bed, now, did I?”

“Good point.”

They laughed softly then Cas dropped his smile and moved to Dean’s ear. He ran his fingers through the short, short hair over his scalp and whispered, “I want you to take control.”

Dean felt a jolt run through his body. The men exchanged a lustful look then they kissed again.

“I’ll go home to see my cat,” Cas said, still whispering, “then come back with my toys.”

Dean nodded very slowly. He was getting hard again. Thank God! Maybe his cock was magically healed of its shyness!

“That sounds like a great plan,” Dean muttered.

“Mmm. I thought so.”

One more kiss and Cas was on his way. Dean could barely contain himself. Toys?! He had his share of toy play back before his injury, but they were always with casual partners. Now he had a beautiful, sexy, caring boyfriend who would probably do anything for him…and toys?! There was no way denying it now; all of the circumstances that led up to meeting Cas had actually worked in Dean’s favor.


	14. Chapter 14

“I’m flying in on Monday. The plane is scheduled to land around five thirty in the afternoon.”

Dean was on the phone with Sam, anxiously awaiting Cas’ return.

“Okay cool,” said Dean. “You can get here on your own, right? ‘Cause I got no way to come and get you.”

“I know that. I’m going to catch a cab.”

“Sweet. I’m looking forward to it.”

“Me, too. Do you need me to bring you anything?”

“Nah, I’m good.”

Sam paused.

“Are you sure? Especially considering how you don’t have an easy way to get around.”

“Well there’s the shuttle service,” Dean explained quickly, “But I’ve got some other ways, too. I’m fine. Thanks though.”

“Ah.”

“Yeah. Anyway…I’ll letcha go.”

“Well, okay then. I’ll see you on Monday.”

“Yep. Bye, Sam.”

“Bye.”

Dean hung up his cellphone and tossed it onto the bed. He was in his wheelchair, just wearing boxers after having taken a shower. The condo was making more sense now and he could fulfil all of his daily needs.

Finally the time came when Cas made it back. It felt like days but it had only been a few hours. He walked in with a suitcase behind him.

“What’s that?” Dean asked.

“My toy chest.”

Dean’s eyes widened in disbelief.

“A-all that?!” he stammered and Cas nodded simply. “You got that many?!”

“Yes. Now I’m taking this to the bedroom and we aren’t going to play until I fix us some dinner.”

“ _Sure thing_ ,” Dean said quickly, still fixated on the suitcase as Cas wheeled it by. He instantly had a million questions as to what was contained. Surely the assortment was varied.

“You like grilled cheese and that sort of thing, don’t you?” Cas asked. He went into the kitchen and Dean followed.

“Yep.”

“I noticed you’ve always gone for the processed cheese.”

A thin smirk was on Cas’ face as he took ingredients from the fridge, but all Dean saw was the man with his toy chest. Even food didn’t seem terribly appealing at the moment.

“Y’know,” Dean began, “For a guy who wants to be submissive, you’re making a lot of decisions.”

“Just because I like to play sub doesn’t mean I’m a _slave_ ,” Cas spoke rather simply. He put a pat of butter into the skillet and watched it melt down. “And besides, I might be deciding but I would never do anything you didn’t want.”

“Nice.”

“Even in the slightest.”

“Mmm.”

After a nice meal of grilled cheese and sautéed spinach, Cas insisted on getting washed up with the door closed (“I don’t like this slightly!” Dean said. “Sorry, but I’m bending the rules for this!” Cas answered). He had put the suitcase on the bed and told Dean he was free to rummage. Dean’s fingers were tingling with interest. He plopped down with his back against the headboard and, after taking his boxers off, unzipped the whole thing.

Surprise, surprise; everything was organized neatly. Within the luggage there were many smaller bags, all labelled with small pieces of tape. The top had a zipper compartment with an assortment of lubes, some doubled as massage oil.

“Damn,” Dean muttered to himself as he looked. This was an impressive collection—butt plugs, cock rings, little bullet vibrators, a large plug-in massager and a tube Dean didn’t recognize at first. It wasn’t labelled. He looked it over carefully then unscrewed the end.

“A pocket pussy?! You have a pocket pussy?!”

The bathroom door opened and a naked Cas came out. He looked at Dean with his eyes wide open. “It’s called a masturbator.”

“Is it any good?” Dean asked. He turned it over in his hands and poked his thumb into the silicon hole at the base.

“It’s not bad. I enjoy it.”

Cas pushed the suitcase to the side and sat down facing Dean. They began to look at the products together.

“Ho-hoh!” Dean chortled. He put the masturbator down and replaced it with a double-ended dildo. “Now what did you use _this_ for?”

Blushing softly, Cas bit his lower lip and mumbled, “A past lover.”

“Wasn’t a woman, was it?”

“Goodness no. Just a man who also preferred to bottom.”

“Damn.”

That wasn’t a bad thought. Dean contemplated it for a moment while Cas took some more toys out. He brought Dean’s attention to the large massager.

“Have you ever used something like this?” he asked.

“No. It’s sorta girly, isn’t it?”

“Yes and no. I get how you think that, but here…”

Ever the creative planner, Cas had an extension cord in the suitcase. He plugged it in and hooked the massager up to it. “Do you want to try it?”

“Uh. Maybe you go first.”

Cas smiled at him and brought out one of the lubes. He put a bit on the massager and rubbed it all around the nearly tennis ball sized head of it. Dean watched as Cas sat back a bit and held it against his cock, first pulling his foreskin down then turning it on. It whirred loudly and Cas flinched. He instantly threw his head back and gasped.

“That’s _hot_ ,” remarked Dean. “Let me hold it for you.”

Cas said nothing but allowed the massager to be passed. With it in his control, Dean grinned naughtily and rubbed it against Cas’ frenulum.

“Ohhh,” Cas moaned hot and breathy. His face turned bright red and his toes curled. “It’s good!”

“You love that, don’t you?”

“I do!”

Excitedly now, Dean said, “Okay, my turn!” and took it away from Cas. He put it up against his own dick and immediately jumped. The vibrations were _intense_ , much more so than he had anticipated. They pulsed through his dick wickedly.

“Damn!!” he shouted.

“Do you like it?” Cas asked. He was shifted onto his hands and knees and sliding down to Dean’s crotch.

“Fuck!!”

“Mmm…”

Cas closed his eyes and hummed, bringing his lips to Dean’s ball, where he softly licked at them. His tongue went between the eggs and up along the shaft.

“Fucking--shit!!” Dean gasped. He pushed his back against the headboard violently, working his hips to rub on Cas and the massager. “Holy—shit!”

“That good?” Cas asked, his eyes narrowed and staring up at Dean.

“Shit!!”

Dean had to turn it off. He couldn’t handle it much longer.

“Baby, that might be a little _too_ good for me.”

“Aww…”

“But you seem to love it. Damn.”

“I do. I love all of m toys.”

“Then show me.”

They went back to the suitcase and looked into more bags. Dean took a couple bullets out and dropped them to one side, then a big bag caught his attention. “My, my, my,” he said, smirking. “What do we have here?” It was labelled “restraints and paddles.”

“Hard toys,” Cas said rather seductively.

Dean opened it up to reveal several sets of wrist and ankle restraints, both metal and softer ones, plus a ball gag, some blindfolds, a couple broad paddles and a tickly little riding crop.

“Wow!” Dean exclaimed. He couldn’t help but chuckle.

“We can use them,” said Cas. “Some or all. That’s up to you.”

“These.”

Dean took out four cuffs, soft ones that had long enough attachments so that they could be used on the bed.

“Going to tie me up?”

“Fuck yes.”

It was a bit of a struggle for Dean, giving the situation of his lower half, but he managed to get Cas spread eagle on his back and tied each limb to the bed. The man was completely exposed, all of his beauty and glory for Dean to take in, even if Cas didn’t like it. For good measure he put a blindfold on Cas, too.

“I like this,” Cas hummed.

“Good,” said Dean. He gave Cas a wet kiss then whispered in his ear, “’Cause you’re mine now.”

Cas wiggled for joy at those words. He licked his lips and fidgeted a bit.

“You like how that feels?” Dean asked. His voice had gone from gruff to a deep, smooth whisper.

“Yes.”

“What do you like?”

“How I can’t get free.”

“Mmm…that’s good.”

One more kiss and Dean went back to the headboard. He propped himself up against and pawed through some of the toys.

“How about this,” he said. “I’ll use something on you and you tell me what it is.”

“Alright.”

Smacking his lips, Dean looked at the assortment of lubes. How about one that heats up? That sounded like a winner. Dean took that one and rubbed a little onto Cas’ cock.

“Aah!”

“Just a little slippy to get you ready.”

“Y-yes…”

He moved down to Cas’ cheeks and poked his fingers at his hole. Cas fidgeted some more.

“Doesn’t do any good to fight it, baby.”

“I-I know.”

“Aah…”

Dean pushed a finger inside and felt the muscle tense up around him. Perfect. He slid in deeper and wiggled around, keeping an eye on Cas’ cock and how it throbbed and trembled at the deep touching.

“That feel good, Cas?”

“Y-yes…”

“Good. I’m glad.”

He pulled the fingers out quickly, (“Oof!” Cas gasped) and picked up two of the bullet vibrators. He turned them on a rubbed them around Cas’ cock shaft.

“Oh!” Cas inhaled. “Those are just small ones. Two bullets.”

“Very good.”

“I like them.”

“I know.”

Dean turned them off and tossed them aside, then took up a short, fat jelly dong. He lubed it up and pressed it against Cas’ hole.

“Oooh…”

“You know this one?”

“Hmm…”

It pushed into the ring of muscle and Cas tried not to contract so much. His fists balled up and beneath the blindfold his eyes were wide open.

“Haaah…that’s my fat jelly.”

“Heheh. Good. Good!”

“Ooh, I love my fat jelly.”

“You’re like a little kid, y’know that?”

Dean smirked and pulled the dildo out. Cas smiled between gasps.

“Alright, let’s see…”

There were a lot to choose from, though admittedly many were quite similar. Dean considered the masturbator, but he figured that would be too easy, so he went for one of the prostate stimulators. There were four—two stationary and two that vibrated. The electric ones looked more like dental tools, really. He picked up one of those and pushed it into Cas’ hole.

“Oh, God!” Cas shouted. “Aaah!”

Dean flicked it onto _low_ and pushed it to where Cas’ nerve epicenter should be. Bingo, right on the mark! Cas’ dick bubbled a bit of cum and he cried out loudly, lower lip trembling and body quivering all over.

“Ohh! Th-the blue prostate vibrator!”

At once, it turned off and was pulled out, leaving Cas out of breath but wanting more. He whimpered softly and Dean rubbed his inner thigh.

“Good boy,” he whispered. “One more.”

“A-alright.”

Dean put one hand against the headboard to support himself as he leaned forward. He touched his cock to Cas’ ass and rubbed it along the hole.

“Ooh, I know this one,” Cas giggled.

“You do?”

“Mmm. Yes. I think this is my absolute favorite.”

“Oh, yeah?”

Dean eased inside now. Cas relaxed.

“Aah, y-yes…this _is_ my favorite.”

With a grunt, Dean pushed off of the headboard and laid himself down, chest to chest with Cas. He kissed into his neck, struggling to hold him and thrust at the same time.

“Which is it?” Dean huffed.

“My boyfriend’s cock, of course.”

Cas said this so sweet and innocently that Dean felt emotionally touched by it. He took the blindfold off and tossed it aside, then looked into Cas’ eyes and kissed him. His cock slid further into the hole and they began to rub their bodies together. Dean grabbed Cas’ head with one hand and ran his fingers through his hair.

“Toy play is fine and all,” he said, breathing heavy, “But nothing beats making love.”

“I agree.”

They kissed more as Dean fucked him harder. Still bound by his restraints, Cas tossed and wiggled while gasping and moaning. They grew furiously hot, sticky with sweat and sweet with love. Dean put his face into Cas’ neck again and sucked the fleshed there.

“Oh, oh, God!”

Cas shouted piercingly loud as his orgasm was approaching. Dean took a hand and managed to slide it down there so that he could jerk him off.

“Aaah!”

They both cried out and moaned. Sweet climax rushed over them both at the same time. Actually the same time.

“Hohh!” Dean gasped. His hot cum burst into Cas’ ass with a thrill. He fumbled to get the restraints off. Cas was released. They collapsed into a pile.

“Oh, Dean!” Cas hummed. He put his arms around Dean and hugged him weakly, but Dean kept his face in the crook of Cas’ neck.

“Mhh…”

“Is something the matter?” Cas asked.

“No.”

Dean didn’t move. He held Cas tight.

“Dean? Would you look at me?”

“Meeh…”

Embarrassedly, Dean raised his head and looked at Cas with tear-filled eyes.

“Oh! What’s wrong?!”

Dean sighed. “Nothing,” he said. “I’m just so happy.”


	15. Chapter 15

An alarm on Cas’ phone went off at 4am. He lifted out of bed to turn it off and get up, but a sleepy Dean reached around his waist and pulled him back.

“Hey!” Cas yelped as he was dragged into Dean’s arms once more.

“Nope,” Dean hummed.

“Work!”

“Just a little more snuggles…”

It was a curious time for Dean, since the combination of his closeness with Cas and being far too tired had dropped every one of his walls. He nuzzled into Cas’ back and smiled, putting a few kisses on his skin.

“Maybe just a few more minutes,” Cas gave in. He turned over and their nuzzled noses together. Dean chuckled.

“You’re so fuckin’ warm.”

“I suppose I’m a bit of a furnace.”

“Yeah, I like it.”

Dean put little kisses on Cas’ cheeks and lips, rubbing his palms firmly down his biceps. Cas cooed and closed his eyes. “I love you, Dean.”

“ _Love you, too_.”

A long kiss, then Cas had to get up. “I can’t be late for work,” he said. Even though Dean pouted for a bit, he had to go along.

Today was different for Dean because he had his first appointment with the new physical therapist. He called a shuttle service later in the day to take him, and all in all it went well. The new therapist was pretty much like the old one—mellow, calm and attentive. There wasn’t a whole lot to say about the entire experience, particularly when Dean was focused on getting home to be with Cas again.

With some time to spare before he got back, Dean decided he would try out that big vibrator by himself. He undressed, hopped up onto the bed and took it in his hands. The extension cord was quite handy.

"All right," Dean said to himself, chuckling, "Let's try this bad boy again."

He turned it on the first of two settings and touched it against the base of his cock. The satisfaction was immediate. He tipped his head back into the pillow and closed his eyes. It hummed and whirred so good along his nerves. He was already drooling precum.

"Aw yeah," he groaned. If he still had toes, they would absolutely be curling.

It was so wonderful. The massager's head rolled up and down his shaft, teasing at him intensely. It wouldn't take long. Dean tightened his abs and thrust up at the massager, groaning loudly from the depths of his throat.

"Fuuuck..."

Then he decided to try the higher setting. He hadn't experienced that in their play. The switch clicked on and the massager began to buzz real loud. Dean shouted as soon as it went up.

"SHIT!" he hollered. His whole body convulsed. "F-FUCK THAT'S GOOD! HOOH! WOAAHH!"

It didn't even give him a fighting chance--his cock shot out a bunch of thick, delicious cum rockets all over his chest as he cried and screamed from the pleasure. Hands shaking, he struggled to turn it off.

"Oh my God," he gasped. The massager dropped and he was staring up at the ceiling, covered in a steamy sweat. His cock kept throbbing. It was no wonder that Cas was such a fire cracker in bed, since he was using those sorts of things on a daily basis. Dean took a breather and even napped momentarily.

After he got up, he had decided that dinner would not be Cas’ problem. Slightly unsure of himself, Dean took to the kitchen and tried to prepare something he was familiar with—sandwiches.

When Cas came home in the evening, the table was set and there was a sloppy-ish platter of ham and cheese with leftover salad from before. Dean was mildly embarrassed that he couldn’t make them beautiful, but Cas clearly didn’t mind. He gave Dean a kiss and joined him at the table.

“Thank you for making us dinner,” he said.

“No problem. Thought I should get used to it.”

“Why is that?” Cas asked. He picked up a sandwich and put it on his plate.

“You know. You’re working all day, I’m here all day.”

“Oh. Right. But I thought you were planning on getting a job?”

Dean shrugged.

“It’s hard being like this.”

“I’m sure. That’s why many seriously disabled people stay unemployed.”

“Eh…”

“You don’t need to make any decisions today,” Cas concluded, giving Dean a simple smile before biting into the sandwich. “This is good.”

“Thanks.”

The clattering of forks service and eating salad was the only noise for a while. Dean thought his basic cooking was subpar but Cas was satisfied. Halfway through, Cas began chuckling.

“What?” asked Dean.

“Oh, you remember Meg Masters?”

“Yeah, o’course. It hasn’t been that long. What about her?”

“She asks where you are every day.”

Dean blinked.

“Really?”

“Yes,” Cas said with a nod. “It’s a shame, really—she remembers who you are, but the day that you left is nowhere in her memory.”

“Puts it all into perspective, you know?”

“What?”

“My injuries.”

“Oh? Do you feel that way?”

“Heck yes. I mean, c’mon, Meg lives with her brain in little scattered puzzle pieces. At least I know what I’m doing.”

“That’s true.”

Dean stuffed a forkful of salad in his mouth and Cas smiled at him, saying “I’m proud of your progress.”

“You don’t have to keep saying that.”

“I know, but I mean it.”

Dean frowned.

“What?” asked Cas.

“Nothing.”

Cas put his sandwich down then quietly folded his hands and leaned over the table.

“Dean, what?”

With a stiff sigh, Dean looked away from Cas and bitterly explained, “When you say you’re proud of me, it feels like I can’t take care of myself.”

“What? Why would you say that?”

“’Cause you say that sorta stuff to your kids or your dog.

“That might be true, but certainly not what I intended.”

“I know, I know. I get what you mean, it just…eh…I wish _I_ could be _your_ caretaker.”

“Well, you are my boyfriend, my dom, my partner…I think that counts considerably.”

“Still not the same.”

“Oh, Dean, I’m so sorry. I would do anything to make this easier for you.”

“It’s fine,” Dean said blankly. He ate more salad. “You’re so _beautiful_ and _sensitive_ , I wish I could coddle you.”

“You can.”

“Kinda hard to do when I have no legs and no job.”

“Those things don’t matter. Intentions do, and your intentions are very good. I get what you’d like.”

Dean finally locked eyes with Cas and made a little smile. “Guess so,” he said.

“When you’re done, we can do something kinky and fun.”

“Sure.”

They cleaned up and scampered off to the bedroom with excitement. Dean’s mood elevated at the prospect of another scene, and once they were in there he remained in his wheelchair and turned on his CD player.

“What are you going to do?” Cas asked.

“I want a lap dance.”

“Ah.”

“Needs good music for it.”

He skipped a few tracks and _Addicted to Love_ began to play. Cas chuckled.

“Don’t laugh,” Dean teased. “Get naughty for me.”

“I feel self-conscious about this, but alright.”

“It’s fine. Be dirty.”

Cas turned around and backed himself into Dean’s lap. He started off by grinding slowly and barely making contact, but as the heavy beat continued and he warmed up to it, the thrusts got harder and faster. Dean put his hands on Cas’ waist and tugged him to sit. “So good,” he whispered. “Get naked.”

Cas nodded and peeled his own shirt off, still working his hips in hard circles against Dean’s prevalent boner.

“Face me,” Dean breathed hotly, and Cas did just that. He straddled Dean and now humped at him quickly. Dean groaned. He thumbed over Cas’ pierced nipples and closed his eyes.

“Are you addicted to love, Dean?” Cas whispered.

“I’m addicted to the touch of your perfect body.”

“Mmm…”

Cas put his hands onto Dean’s shoulders and held him as they kissed intensely. The whole room was heating up.

“Show me your cock,” Dean said.

“Yes.”

Cas got up momentarily to peel down his bottoms and expose his full nude body to his partner. Dean looked him over hungrily. He took his own cock out, too.

“Come back, baby.”

“All right.”

The dark haired man returned to Dean’s lap, where Dean took both of their cocks in his fist and rubbed the sticky heads together. Cas grappled Dean’s shoulders again and gasped loud.

“D-Dean!”

“Keep grinding. You’re doing good.”

“Ooh!! Aah!!”

All at once, Cas wrapped his arms around Dean’s shoulders and hugged him close, throwing Dean’s face into the crook of his neck. He bleated as their cocks battled it out. He put his nose into Dean’s hair and moaned desperately.

“You’re being so good,” Dean groaned.

“Gaah! D-Dean! I-I’m very good for you!”

“You sure are.”

Dean backed away slightly so that he could look up at Cas. The pressure on their dicks let up and he went in for a kiss. Cas’ lips were wet and trembling. “Spank me,” he said.

“Mmm…spank you?” Dean asked, smirking wickedly.

“Spank me.”

Cas’ voice, naturally low and somewhat grainy, managed to sound intensely erotic when muttering dirty things. They were both incredibly masculine men, despite being a sub bottom, and the chemistry was almost _earthy_.

“Get on the bed,” said Dean. Cas nodded and did so.

Dean remained in his wheelchair the whole time as he got one of the paddles from Cas’ toy chest. Cas presented himself on his hands and knees, ass up in the air and at the edge of the bed.

“Nice,” Dean remarked. An AC/DC song was playing now. “You want a hard spank or a soft spank? Up to you.”

“Ooh,” Cas hummed. “Hard.”

“Sure?”

“Yes.”

Cas looked at Dean over his shoulders and smiled. Dean winked. He gripped the handle and slapped one of Cas’ cheeks firmly.

“Aah!” Cas yelped. “Another!”

“I’m deciding how many, okay?”

“Okay.”

_WHAP!_

“Hooh!”

_WHAP!_

“Gaaah!”

_WHAP!_

“Stop!”

“What’s wrong?”

Dean dropped the paddle. Cas crumbled into the bed.

“Baby, what’s wrong?”

“It doesn’t feel right.”

As quickly as he could, Dean pulled himself onto the bed and put his arms around Cas, who was trembling. He climbed into Dean’s arms looking something awful.

“What did I do?” Dean asked, his voice quite tender now.

“Nothing, it isn’t your fault.”

“Oh, Cas…”

“It’s just a little subdrop or something.”

“Ah…”

Dean took Cas beneath the covers and they were able to cuddle quietly. He turned the CD player off.

“Sure it’s not my fault?” Dean asked. Cas nodded. He closed his eyes and nuzzled against Dean’s chest.

“I’m sorry,” Cas sighed.

“For what?”

“Stopping our play.”

“Don’t be sorry. Jesus Christ, you don’t feel good. I don’t wanna keep going if you’re upset.”

“I guess.”

“Oh, Cas…”

“Hah…”

Dean put his nose into Cas’ soft hair and kissed him over and over. He rubbed his back and did his best to snuggle caringly. Cas started crying.

“Oh, Cas, Cas…don’t cry, baby…”

“I can’t help it,” Cas sighed. He sniffed loudly.

“I’m here,” said Dean. “I’m here, baby.”

* * *

 

They didn’t sleep very well, which came as no surprise to either of them. Cas was feeling better in the morning, though; he got up, washed and dressed and managed to make breakfast before work. Dean roused when he smelled something cooking. He wheeled into the kitchen to find Cas at the griddle.

“…bacon?” Dean asked groggily.

“Yes.”

“Hooh…my only weakness.”

“Heheh.”

“How’re you feeling, babydoll?”

He rolled over to Cas and put his arm around him. Cas smiled and turned the bacon. It sizzled and popped loudly.

“I’m fine. Thank you for asking.”

“Maybe we should lay off the kink for a while.”

“Maybe…”

Cas also fried up some eggs and made a couple slices of toast. They sat at the table and enjoyed themselves.

“You’re an awesome cook,” Dean said with a smile.

“Thank you.”

“Mmm…”

He ate a piece of bacon and moaned. “It’s soooo good…”

“I’m not usually a fan, but I have to try a little you know,” Cas smirked.

“Or you can leave it all for me.”

“Probably not,” Cas teased. He cracked off a piece of a strip and popped it into his mouth. “Ah, it’s certainly worth getting the maple kind.”

“Fuck yes.”

They continued eating for a bit. Dean was happy to be up at the crack of dawn and not feeling like he had been drinking all night.

“So how’s your cat?” Dean asked.

“Good.”

“I wanna meet her.”

“Oh, well I suppose I can take you over there on my next day off.”

“We could do that,” said Dean, “Or you can bring her here.”

“I don’t know about that,” Cas said, narrowing his eyes. “She doesn’t do well with travel. You ought to just come by with me.”

“I don’t mean that.”

“Then what?”

“How about you _bring_ her here. To live.”

“ _Oh…_ ”

Cas’ face was impossible to read.

“’Oh’?” Dean asked. He tightened his jaws.

“You’re asking me to officially move in, then?”

“Yeah…you practically do, anyway.”

“Well, yes, but…I still pay for my place. And, Dean, we haven’t known each other all _that_ long.”

“Okay, if you don’t want to, that’s fine.”

“No, no, I _want_ to. I just need to be careful. For my own safety, you have to understand.”

Dean nodded.

“Right.”

“Dean, I mean it. I _love_ you. I want to be with you. Oh…I want a family with you.”

Dean smiled. He scratched his cheek.

“You mean that?”

“Of course I do. I think you’ll be a wonderful father. But I need some more time.”

“All right,” Dean said, chuckling, “That’s fair.”


	16. Chapter 16

Dean woke up to the sight of Cas dressing. It was the most wonderful thing he could possibly see. The world was quiet and still dark, with only the bathroom light shaping Cas’ muscular body as it twisted and pulled into a pair of lilac scrubs.

“Kiss,” Dean said softly. Cas turned around and smiled at him.

“I’m not leaving yet.”

“ _Kiss_.”

“Mm, okay.”

Cas came by the bed and leaned down to put a quick peck onto Dean’s mouth.

“You look sexy,” Dean muttered.

“I’m just getting ready for work.”

“Always reminds me of how I fucked you during your shift.”

Cas chuckled. “We’re naughty,” he whispered.

“Very.”

“Would you like me to make breakfast before I go?”

“Nah. I’ll figure it out myself. Think I’ll sleep in later, too, since Sammy’s coming.”

“Oh, that’s right.”

Cas paused.

“Should I stay at my place tonight?”

“Nope,” Dean told him rather confidently. He sat up now and leaned against the headboard. “I want you to move in. Why would I kick you out for my brother to stay?”

“Because he’s only met me while I attended to you.”

“It’s fine. He’s cool. He’ll understand. You come back when you want.”

“Very well. Should I let you sleep?”

“Yeah, if you don’t mind.”

Dean slipped back beneath the covers and smiled up at Cas, who gave him one last kiss then went on his way. It was nice to be feeling so great.

He slept for a while, then took his time getting up, washed and eating. His best guess was that Sam would get in only slightly before Cas made it home, provided he came back at his usual time. So after six, as Dean predicted, the doorbell rang.

“Heya, Sammy!” Dean said with a big grin. His tall brother stepped within, wheeling a suitcase behind him and wearing wide eyes.

“Wow,” he remarked, “This is a nice place.”

“Wouldn’t’ve had it without you,” Dean said. Sam smiled.

“How are you doing?”

“I’m great. Have a nice flight?”

“Not too bad, actually.”

“Cool, cool. Okay, so lemme show you around and let you set up in the guest room.”

Sam followed as Dean wheeled around the kitchen, dining room, living room, hall bathroom and finally the spare bedroom. Sam was impressed. He had seen pictures in the brochures, but the condo well surpassed the quality that he had assumed (and he assumed high).

“This is perfect for you,” said Sam. He lifted his luggage onto the bed and began unpacking toiletries. “You look happy, too.”

“I feel happy,” Dean said with a smirk. “I feel amazing, actually.”

“I’m _so_ glad…oh!”

Sam pulled a bottle of wine out of his suitcase. “A gift for you.”

“Psh. Sam, c’mon, you know I’m not a big wine drinker.”

“Yeah but still.”

“Okay, okay. Thanks, man.”

Dean’s brother nodded, then he went back to his luggage and had another aha moment. There was an envelope inside, addressed to Dean. “These are for you, but they came to our address somehow.”

“Huh? What is it?”

“From someone back on the base in Iraq.”

“Ah…”

Dean took the envelope in his lap and pulled out a couple large printed photos. They all had Dean in them to a certain degree.

“Looks like pictures someone took while I was still there,” Dean said, his voice suddenly quiet. Sam looked over at them. “Probably Benny.”

The first was a group shot of maybe thirty people, then a couple various snapshots of Dean and a few other folks working on things. Dean laughed out loud when he turned to the next one—it was just him, standing in his bunk with his back to the camera, putting on a pair of uniform pants and laughing over his shoulder.

“Yep, Benny took these,” Dean remarked. He looked at his lean, whole legs standing there with the pants going on them. It made him feel bad, but not nearly as much as the last one. “Ah…”

“Who’s that?” Sam asked. He had sat on the bed now.

“Charlie.”

The picture showed him and a pretty redhead standing in the desert sun with big, goofy smiles on their faces. Charlie was cracking up, clearly from something Dean had just said.

“I don’t…eh…I don’t wanna talk about it.”

“Okay. I won’t ask, then.”

“Hey, you wanna eat something?”

“Sounds good.”

Sam followed Dean into the kitchen and to the fridge. He looked at all the food Cas had stocked up on.

“You uh,” Sam began, narrowing his eyes, “You have someone living with you…right?”

“Yeah. My boyfriend.”

It felt strange to use that word around Sam. He didn’t know much about Dean’s love life, but knowledge of him sleeping around and being a bit of a philanderer wasn’t alien to him.

“Good. That’s good. When will I meet him?”

“Should be home from work soon.”

“Do you want to make dinner?”

“Uh…I’m still not…great about this…cooking thing.”

Sam laughed.

“Want me to help?”

They set to work immediately on preparing a decent meal. Cas had stocked up well, and Sam impressed Dean with his cleverness in the kitchen—leftover pasta turned into a macaroni salad sort of dish, a couple of chicken breasts were quickly sautéed and served alongside a frozen vegetable.

“Since when have you learned how to cook?” Dean asked. He uncorked the gift wine and poured himself a glass.

“I’ve been doing the dad thing over the weekends lately,” Sam explained. He served out three portions and brought them to the table. “Ruby picked up a job.”

“Oh. How’s that working out?”

“I’d like to see her more, but we need the money, so…”

The front door opened and Cas stepped in. He had changed into day clothes. There was a smile on his face. “Hello,” he said.

“Oh!” Sam exclaimed. “Must be your boyfriend, huh?”

“Yeah.”

Sam peered around the corner and waved, but then he saw Cas and froze.

“Hey, aren’t you…”

“His old nurse, yes,” Cas explained. Dean downed his glass of wine in one giant gulp. “That’s not problem, is it?”

“Oldest story in the book,” Sam chuckled. “We made dinner together. Are you hungry?”

“Oh, that sounds lovely. And it smells good, too! Thank you, Sam.”

Cas washed his hands then came to Dean’s side and kissed the top of his head. Dean winced. “Sammy brought booze,” he said. “You want a little vino with Deano?”

“I’d love to.”

Everyone sat down and began to eat. Sam kept looking at the couple and smiling.

“So you must be what’s responsible for making my brother so happy, hmm?”

“I can’t imagine it’s _only_ me,” Cas said humbly. He sipped his wine and smacked his lips very slightly. Dean was quiet.

“It makes sense,” said Sam. “It all makes sense when I put it into perspective.”

Detecting slight discomfort on Dean’s end, Cas changed the subject. “You have those two boys, right?” he asked Sam.

“Yep. Bobby and John.”

“How are they?”

“Oh, great. They’re just great. They keep my wife and I plenty busy though.”

Cas smiled.

“Do you think Dean would be a good dad?”

“Dean?” Sam asked. His eyes darted to his brother. “Sure. I think he’s got it in him.”

Dean huffed. “I guess,” he muttered before shoving more chicken into his mouth.

“It’s not as hard as it looks,” Sam went on to explain. “I’d say it’s mostly common sense, a lot of hard work and just a smidgen of studying. Sounds like the perfect job for Dean, actually.”

Cas looked at Dean with happy eyes. He put his hand on top of his.

“What?” Dean asked.

“I like to think about you having kids,” Cas said quietly.

“O-okay, Cas, maybe we can talk about this in private.”

Sam laughed. “What are your hours tomorrow, Cas?” he asked.

“The same. Why?”

“I thought maybe the three of us could go out for dinner.”

“That sounds nice.”

“Yeah,” Dean added. “I could use a change of scenery. No offense.”

“None taken,” said Cas.

Sam grinned. “Then it’s settled.”

“Mmh.”

Cas finished his glass of wine and poured himself another. Sam barely touched his. Dean was on his third and the bottle was almost gone.

“This is pretty good shit, Sammy.”

“Haha, glad you think so. It’s Ruby’s favorite. You must like it too, Cas, huh?”

“It’s very nice.”

Dinner finished up quietly and Sam went off to bed. He was fairly beat from flying and navigating a new city, which left Dean and Cas some needed alone time. Dean washed up first and got into bed while Cas was still in the bathroom.

“What’s with the dad questions?” Dean asked.

“I just thought… _twoink!_...that your brother… _twoink!_...might be a good judge of you.”

Cas was flossing as he spoke.

“But yesterday you were hemming and hawing about bringing your _cat_ here.”

“Oh, well I think there’s a big difference between discussing the future and taking action now.”

“I guess so.”

The faucet ran and Cas came into the bedroom, dressed only in a pair of snug, silky looking briefs.

“Oho!” Dean gasped, grinning. “I like those! You’ve been holding out on me.”

“They look nice?” Cas teased. He posed a couple times and showed the back to Dean, which was a slight thong.

“Damn. Come here.”

“Heheh. But your brother—“

“Just come here.”

Cas nodded and climbed into Dean’s lap, facing him. They kissed a few times.

“You know how much I like doing things when the folks around us shouldn’t find out,” Dean whispered. “And I know you do, too.”

“I never should have leaked my secret,” Cas giggled. Dean put his hands onto Cas’ ass and grabbed his cheeks. The underwear was satin.

“Ooh, _God_ they feel good! I don’t even know what to do with you.”

“Whatever you’d like.”

Dean growled. He glared at Cas then kissed him aggressively, squeezing his cheeks firm. Cas moaned and began grinding.

“Here,” said Dean. He tugged down his own boxers and brought his erection out, then rubbed it up against Cas’ clothed crotch. He moaned deeply at the sensation. “They must feel amazing from your side.”

“You can try them on.”

“Neh.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah. I don’t think I’m really a _lingerie_ kind of guy.”

“But you like the feeling now, don’t you?”

“True, but they’re _on you_ , and that’s half the fun.”

“All right, then.”

They kissed again and continued rubbing together. Cas worked his abs hard and rode against Dean’s raw cock. Their simultaneous gasps were growing a little too loud.

“Let me fuck you,” Dean groaned.

“Of course.”

“Just ride me.”

“Sure.”

Cas went to pull his briefs down, but Dean stopped him and said to keep them up, so he pulled the back off to the side and lubed himself up. Once he was ready, Dean’s dick slithered between the crotch of the satin briefs and pushed into the hole.

“Hoh!” Cas cried. He grabbed onto Dean’s shoulders for support.

“Fuck yeah,” Dean groaned. He helped meet Cas’ grinds with his own thrusts. They humped like animals for a while.

“Oh! It’s good! So good!” Cas cried. “I think the wine is stopping me from getting off! Aah!”

“Aww…really?”

“It happens sometimes.”

Dean felt Cas’ ring tighten up just then, and that sent him over the edge. He squeezed at the man’s waist as he suddenly came hard.

“FUCK!” Dean yelled. “OH! FUUCK!”

“Naah!” Cas whined, his deep voice cracking for a second. He tensed up and hugged Dean.

“Oh, wow…”

“Mmh…”

“You can’t get off?”

“Don’t worry about it,” Cas reassured him. Now Dean realized what it was like back when he couldn’t get off. It _is_ distressing.

“Are you sure?”

“It’s fine. I shouldn’t drink so much and then make love.”

Cas hopped off of his partner and went to clean up in the bathroom, leaving Dean stunned. He slid onto his back and stared at the ceiling. _Make love_. That sounded nice. He never considered someone having sex with _him_ as love making.

When Cas returned, he snuggled up to Dean beneath the covers and kissed him a few more times.

“I love you,” Dean whispered.

“I love you too, Dean. Very much.”

Dean smiled and hugged Cas tighter. “Don’t leave.”

“Why would I?”

“I don’t think you would, but—just don’t leave.”

“I won’t.”


	17. Chapter 17

“Good morning, Sam. You’re up early. I made coffee.”

“Thanks. I had trouble sleeping.”

Sam and Cas were in the kitchen around 5 am, well before Dean awoke.

“I’m sorry to hear that,” said Cas. “Would you like a mug?”

“That’d be great.”

Cas took three mugs from a cabinet and set them onto the counter. Sam took one and tried his best to avoid seeming awkward.

“So it’s nice dating my brother?”

“It is. Very.” Cas smiled as he filled Sam’s mug. “He’s a good man. You’re lucky to have him as a brother.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right. I feel so bad for him, though. Despite not being around much, I know it’s been rough. Real rough.”

“It has, but he’s made incredible progress, too.”

Cas poured coffee into his own mug and went to the dining room. Sam followed. “That makes me happy,” he said.

“I would say that he’s doing quite well,” Cas explained. “Now, I’m not entirely sure if it’s his therapy, the time at St. Raphael’s or, as arrogant as this may sound—me—but his attitude has changed dramatically since we met.”

“I don’t think it sounds arrogant at all.”

Cas nodded. “Thank you,” he said softly.

Sam took a big sip and set the mug down. “It’s good coffee.”

“Thank you again,” Cas replied with a sweet smile.

“You’re such a mild guy, you know that?”

“I suppose.”

Cas ran his fingertip along the rim of his mug. He blinked slowly and gazed down into the steaming coffee as Sam watched.

“You’re pretty in love with Dean, huh?”

“Yes.”

Sam smirked. “You don’t have to be that shy. I like to know he’s happy. And that makes you family, anyway.”

“That’s true.”

Cas took a tiny sip and flashed happy eyes at Sam.

“Believe me,” Sam continued, “It was super awkward when I first dated Ruby (she’s my wife).”

“How come?”

Sam chuckled.

“So get this,” he began, both hands on his mug, “I just started college and Dean has been home from his first tour of duty a couple of months. I meet Ruby at school and decide to bring her over for dinner. By then, dad had died so it was only Dean and myself living together.”

“Oh,” Cas said softly. He had yet to hear to story about the boys’ parents since the time was never right to ask.

“Anyway,” Sam continues, “I made dinner, which wasn’t very good at that point, (we were eating mostly takeout and cereal) and Dean shows up late. I told him to be there before 6, when Ruby would come, so there wouldn’t be any waiting. But no, no, Dean is late. He’s late and he comes home with a guy.”

“Oh! He’s told me that he was pretty wild back then.”

“Yeah, no kidding.”

“What happened?”

“They show up, say hi real quick then don’t even bother to eat with us—that was fine, because I had more time alone with Ruby, but it wasn’t my intention. Dean and his guy go upstairs and make a lot of, well, erm, _noise—_ undeniable bedroom sounds.”

Cas blushed. “That is awkward,” he said.

“It was, but it got worse when they came back down and the guy left, then Dean had dinner with us.”

“Oh…”

Sam suddenly looked flustered.

“Ugh, I’m sorry. You probably didn’t want to hear that story.”

“No, no. I just…oh, you aren’t trying to say that…ah…implying…”

“What?”

Cas’ face turned bright red. His voice fell to a whisper. “Were we too loud last night?”

Sam paused. He stared at Cas with a hint of shock on his face.

“No! Man, just forget it. That definitely wasn’t my point. I’m so sorry.”

“Aah,” Cas winced.

“Seriously. No worries.” Sam reached over and patted Cas’ palm. “I mean it. I shouldn’t have told that story. Dean’s been wild but I’m sure you know. I didn’t mean to imply anything.”

“All right,” Cas sighed. “Thanks. And yes, I know all about Dean’s past. It doesn’t bother me. I’m no angel myself.”

“Well that’s good. I used to worry about him a lot.”

“I can imagine,” Cas agreed, right after another sip of coffee, “But I assure you he’s on a better track now. Are you hungry?”

“Not yet. Thanks, though.”

“Of course. I have to leave for work soon, but we’ll have dinner tonight, right?”

“Yep, exactly.”

Cas fixed himself something to eat then went on his way, leaving Sam alone in the kitchen. He had another cup of coffee, then spent a few minutes looking around the living room. Dean hadn’t done much decorating or rearranging yet, since the place was mostly just unpacked furniture. The TV was hooked up at least, so Sam decided to browse the local channels until Dean got up.

“I like Cas,” Sam told Dean once he roused. It was close to ten and Dean was just out of the shower.

“Me, too.”

Sam chuckled. “I know that, I’m just saying that I think he’s a real nice guy.”

“He’s pretty damned special.”

Dean wheeled over to the kitchen and filled the last mug with some coffee, but after finding it less than hot, he stuck it in the microwave for a bit. Sam turned off the TV and followed.

“But other than Cas,” he said, “Are you happy?”

“I am,” Dean told him with confidence. The microwave pinged and he took the coffee out. “But I’ll never be completely all right.”

“Well…”

“Don’t beat yourself up about it, Sammy. Believe me, I’ve done plenty of that.”

“I hope you don’t anymore.”

Dean took a big sip and smacked his lips. “Sometimes,” he said. Sam groaned. “Don’t worry, don’t worry about it,” Dean insisted.

“I’ll try not to.”

They spent the whole day having a fairly good time together. At one point, they called Ruby and Dean talked to her and the kids for a while. She was happy to hear Dean doing well, too.

Then finally Cas made it home. He had a surprise.

“Annabelle,” he said, holding out the smooth, black cat. She jumped from his arms and began inspecting Dean’s place.

“What!” Sam exclaimed. He moved away from the cat as if it were a bomb, but Dean had been expecting her arrival.

“Nice,” said Dean. “Glad you decided.”

Cas nodded and gave Dean a kiss. “I’m sure the two of you will get along just great.”

“Err,” Sam interrupted. “So this is weird, right?”

“Not really,” said Cas.

“Nah,” said Dean.

Sam stood there awkwardly, eying the cat still.

“Are we going to get dinner…?”

“Sure.”

With Annabelle safely set up in the house, the three men headed out for the evening meal. They picked a steakhouse in the area, which was a big deal for Dean since he hadn’t eaten anything like that for a while. Cas had a light chicken dish, but Dean ordered a great big slab of prime rib. He had such a good time that he didn’t even feel self-conscious about his disability.

Sam treated and wine flowed. Cas got pretty drunk. He laid down in the backseat of Sam’s rental car as they drove home, giggling and wiggling about the place.

“Doing all right back there, Cas?” Dean asked.

“Mm…yeah…”

“I did _not_ expect this,” Sam laughed.

“Yeah, neither did I,” Dean agreed. He looked in the back seat and laughed at Cas, who was biting his lower lip and twiddling his thumbs. “But everyone had fun, right?”

“Yes!” Cas chimed.

“Oh, yeah,” Sam said. “This was great. I’m glad I took the time off to come.”

“Me, too, Sammy. Me, too.”

They got home and Sam had to help Cas get inside. He was having trouble standing up straight. He left him in the master bedroom then retired to his own room.

“Ooh,” Cas hooted, sprawling out on the bed. He attempted to undress himself, which ended him up in a great big knot.

“Damn it, Cas,” cursed Dean. “You shouldn’t drink so much. And here I thought _you_ were the nurse.”

“I am,” said Cas. He took a deep breath and tried to unbutton his shirt. Dean washed up, then stripped to his underwear and joined Cas under the covers. Cas managed to get naked.

“Hey, no funny business,” said Dean.

“Why not?”

“Because you’re wasted, and I don’t think it’s fair for me to diddle you when you don’t know what you’re doing.”

Cas sighed.

“How about I blow you?”

“Is that a good idea?”

“Why not?”

“Dunno. Might gag you?”

“No, why would it?”

“I don’t know. Stop asking so many questions. Just—just do what you want.”

“Mmm okay. Spread your legs, darling.”

Cas disappeared beneath the covers and slipped his head to Dean’s crotch. A little grumpily, Dean tugged off his boxers and exposed himself, tipping his head into the pillow and closing his eyes. Cas’ warm, wet mouth suddenly went to town on him.

“Ooh, God,” Dean gasped. “Easy, easy.”

The tongue whipped around him with ferocious intensity, causing Dean to spasm here and there. He put his hands down on Cas’ head and held onto a couple tufts of soft hair. Cas grunted. He took his mouth off of Dean’s cock and licked up and down the shaft.

“Baby,” Dean groaned. “Oh, baby…”

“Do you like this?” Cas teased. He flicked his tongue over Dean’s frenulum. The cock pulsed.

“D-Damn…honey…”

Then Cas licked down to Dean’s balls and pawed over them with his lips. He kissed comically loud. Dean was so caught up in the pleasure that he couldn’t stop to laugh.

“I’m going to lick your ass,” Cas announced, giggling.

“Oh…wha…what?!”

Dean sat up on his elbows and picked the covers up. He stared at Cas with big eyes.

“You’re _what?_ ”

“Shhh.”

Cas lowered himself beyond Dean’s balls and grabbed his butt cheeks.

“Hey!” Dean yelped.

“But you’re always doing it to me.”

“Because I fuck that hole. You don’t fuck that hole.”

“I don’t want to, anyway.”

“I don’t—this isn’t what—Cas, stop—don’t— _Ooooooh_.”

The tension was relieved when Cas licked at him anyway. His impossibly slick tongue slid between his cheeks and touched the hairy hole with zero regrets.

“Caaaaas…”

“Mmh…”

Cas closed his eyes and munched down on it. He grabbed a hold on Dean’s cock and began jerking him off.

“S-spoiling me,” Dean grunted.

“I know.”

He kept licking until Dean finally had enough of it and pushed his head away.

“Okay, stop,” he said. Cas ceased. He kept jerking, though.

“Is it bad?”

“No, it’s good. _Too_ good. Just don’t do that, okay?”

“But you enjoyed it?”

“Physically, not mentally.”

“I’m sorry…”

The hand stopped moving.

“It’s okay, don’t be sorry,” said Dean, trying to cheer him up. “You’re loaded, you have an excuse. Why don’t you hop on top and ride me out?”

“All right, then.”

Happy to oblige, Cas quickly lubed himself up then straddled Dean’s waist. He sat down on the dong and slowly took in within.

“Easy, baby, easy,” Dean cooed. He put his hands on Cas’ waist and held him delicately. “Don’t go too fast. You might not feel your nerves as easy if you’re—why am I telling you this? You already know.”

Cas laughed. His cheeks were bright red and he flashed a goofy smile at Dean.

“I like it when you tell me things like that,” he said.

“Like what?” Dean asked.

“When you’re taking care of me.”

“Ahh…”

Cas pushed down until his asshole met Dean’s pubic patch. He grunted loudly and ground his hips there. Dean closed his eyes and moaned.

“That’s good…”

“My, Dean, you’re so big!”

“I’m the same size as always. Maybe your ass is tighter?”

“Mmm…either way is good!”

Cas started humping up and down on Dean’s cock. He held onto his shoulders for support. “I love this,” he said.

“Me, too,” Dean answered in a breathy voice.

Riding harder, Cas decided to lean down and press his forehead to Dean’s. He stared into his eyes steadily while his breath hitched. Dean smiled through gasps. “Maybe I _do_ like you drunk. Horny little baby.”

Cas blinked slowly.

“I love you.”

Dean paused. Cas kept humping.

“What was that?” Dean asked, slightly in disbelief. Cas got shy and looked away from him.

“I--Oh, I’m going to cum!”

“Stop.” Dean squeezed Cas’ waist hard. “You’re not gonna cum.”

“Huh?”

Cas winced and held his breath.

“Cum and I’ll spank ya.”

“Then maybe I should!” Cas teased.

“Wait.”

As best as he could, Dean struggled to reach over to the nightstand, open it up rustle around through all of the toys (they had been unpacked earlier).

“What are you doing?”

“Getting something for you.”

“Oh, dear.”

Dean finally found the masturbator. It still weirded him out a bit, but he lubed up the tight tunnel regardless then bunged it onto Cas’ cock.

“OHH!”

“Now remember, no cumming,” Dean teased.

“Oh, Dean! I can’t _not!_ ”

Dean jerked the slick, tight sleeve around Cas’ cock briskly. Cas leaned back and supported himself on his own palms, thrusting his hips upward.

“Cum and you get spanked!”

“I—can’t!! Aaah!! I’m cumming!!”

With a great spasm, Cas shouted and filled up the masturbator. It oozed with his pearly cum. Dean blasted a good nut just a few moments afterwards. They settled. Cas kept giggling. He curled up into Dean’s arms and sighed. Dean laughed.

“What?”

“You stink like booze.”

“I overdo it sometimes.”

Dean nuzzled into Cas’ hair.

“Thanks,” he said softly.

“For drinking too much?”

“No, no. For being here. Helping me. Saving me.”

“Oh, Dean. You’re getting dramatic.”

“I know. It’s almost the end of the story. Endings get dramatic.”

“Aah,” Cas nodded in agreement. He looked up at Dean and kissed his chin. “I wouldn’t say that the saving was only on my part.”

“How come?”

“I never thought I’d have a relationship like this.”

“But you told me before that you assumed you’d get married and have kids.”

“Well, there are assumptions and there are realities. This is…ah…this is more than I expected.”

“Good. I’m glad.”

Cas settled into the nape of Dean’s neck and closed his eyes. “Agreed,” he said. Dean cleared his throat. He put his hand on the back of Cas’ head and patted him.

“And I love you, too.”


	18. Epilogue

_Three Years Later_

 

A Jeep pulled into the driveway of a corner townhouse around one o’clock in the morning. The picturesque suburbia surrounding was completely quiet and still, save for the Jeep’s engine until it shut off. A police officer stepped out and headed into the townhouse.

It was modestly decorated with the makings of a happy home—a bouquet of flowers on the dining room table that was fresh from a romantic holiday, pictures of smiling faces all over the walls and an album on the coffee table embossed with the words, “Our Wedding.”

The cop took off his shoes and headed upstairs, careful to be silent. He snuck through the slightly ajar master bedroom door and began disrobing. His navy pants dropped and two prosthetic legs stepped out of them. Once he brushed his teeth and returned to the bedroom, the dark haired man who had been sleeping in their king sized bed sat up.

“Damn, I’m sorry, Cas.”

“It’s okay.”

Cas rubbed his eyes, the hair on his head a complete mess, but Dean smiled.

“Not sleeping well?”

“Off and on. It could be worse.”

Dean sat down on his side and gave Cas a kiss. “Other than that, how was your day?”

“Good, and yours?”

“Not bad, not bad,” Dean said with a grin. “I’m happy to have made it through my first month back to work.”

“Yay!” Cas said softly. He hugged Dean and ran his hand through the short hair. Dean put a kiss on Cas’ nose.

  
“Also your first month of _not_ working,” said Dean.

“Yes. And I’m happy about that, too. Oh, Sam and Ruby called today.”

“They doing all right?”

“Mhm,” Cas said with a nod. “You should hear the story they told me about Bobby—“

“Oh, Cas,” Dean interrupted, taking his partner’s hands. “You can tell me all about it tomorrow. Right now, you look pretty exhausted. Get back to sleep.”

“Fair enough,” said Cas. “Thank you.”

They kissed again and Cas returned to his side to get comfortable. Dean started taking off his prosthetics, but before he made any progress, a little speaker on Cas’ nightstand made a soft noise.

“Oh dear,” Cas sighed. He went to get up but Dean stopped him.

“Stay down,” he said, “I’ll go. Don’t worry. I want to see her anyway.”

“All right, then. Thank you, Dean.”

“Sure.”

Dean smiled and left the room, only to head across the hall and into the other bedroom. This one was much smaller and furnished with a light pink theme. Beneath the only window was a crib, where a tiny baby was starting to cry.

“Hey, hey,” Dean cooed as he stepped inside. He went to the crib and took the baby out. She was only a few weeks old. “It’s okay, daddy’s home. He’s here.”

The baby wiggled and bubbled her lips a bit, converting the almost-tears into sleepy nods.

“There you go,” Dean whispered. “Nothing to worry about.”

He stood in the nursery and rocked the baby for a few minutes until she fell asleep. For some reason, she liked to be very good for Dean.

“Is she all right?”

Cas had gotten out of bed, much to Dean’s disappointment. He was holding the sides of a cotton robe closed around his body.

“Babe, I said I could take care of it,” Dean said stiffly.

“I worry, you know.”

“No reason to worry. She’s just missing her daddy and being kinda crabby.”

“Not wet? Not hungry?”

“She’s fine, Cas. Don’t worry.”

“You know how I am.”

Dean smiled. “I know,” he said. Baby still in his arms, he stepped to Cas’ side and kissed him. “That’s part of why I love you.”

Cas leaned against Dean’s shoulder and closed his eyes. He put his hand on the baby’s head and gently stroked her. “She’s just like her blood-daddy,” he sighed.

“How come?” Dean asked.

“Crabby and cranky but easy to please.”

“Hey, I’m not _so_ easy.”

Cas kissed Dean on the cheek and chuckled. “I know,” he said, “But still.”

“Okay, okay. Well, I’m gonna put her back now and we can all get some shut-eye.”

“We don’t have to _sleep_ right away,” Cas whispered. Dean eyed him. Cas let his robe fall open just enough to show off his naked body.

“You horny little devil,” Dean chuckled. “I’ll be right in.”

Cas nodded and presently left Dean alone with the baby, who went back into her crib immediately. She woke up and looked at Dean with a blank expression on her face.

“I thought you were sleeping,” Dean muttered. The baby stared. “I really wanna plow your mommy, so if you can be good and sleep for the rest of the night…”

The baby stuck her tongue out.

“Hey, don’t give me that!” Dean teased. He poked her tongue and she made a slight giggling noise, the he patted her head and she started to sleep again. Leaning over the crib, he reached down and kissed her forehead. “You be a good baby, okay?” he said. “Good enough to convince mommy and the surrogate to make a brother or sister for you. How’s that sound?”

The baby was almost asleep again. Amazing how fast that happens.

“Okay, we’ll try to be quiet,” Dean chuckled. He kissed her again. She was the most beautiful and perfect little thing he had ever since, second to Cas, of course. And he wouldn’t be the person he was now if he weren’t for Cas. The three of them made a fantastic family--that was for sure. Dean was so happy about it. So, _so_ happy. He smiled at the baby and sighed contently at how amazing his life had been.

“Goodnight, Charlie.”

 

**~*~The end~*~**


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